I'm just a Bird.
Nothing special.
I've been here for a long time though. What would you call me? Lucky or Loser?
I've hurt many, I've hurt little. I've flown far, I've flown little. I've discovered that none of it really matters. It's all relative, really. No matter how far I fly, my actions stay here.
Some people wish for my life, when I wish for theirs. My days are filled with envy and grief.
Of all the birds I've seen in the past 3 billion years, though, there were some I'll never forget.
Maria. My baby. My soul and joy. Oh, how wonderful she was. I had never fathomed that something could be that beautiful. I never knew love could be that grand, I never knew life could be that bright and beautiful. Even when it wasn't.
We had 4 kids, our baby boys and girls. Melissa, Mabel, Jack, Beau.
Back when I believed in it, I thanked god every night. My life couldn't be any better than this. My life was complete for as far as I knew. My babies were all right here, with me.
Maria was always cold for some reason. She just didn't have great circulation, I suppose. I never asked. Every night though, we cuddled tightly to keep the warmth in the night. It was the highest honor. She was precious.
And some of those night, our kids would have nightmares and come to bed with us. Melissa and Beau didn't have great circulation either, so they were closest to me and each other. We all fell asleep to the rain hitting our tree and the warmth of each other.
Sometime after that though, My Maria had gotten sick. She had been sick before, though. She wasn't reacting terribly, it was just a cough. She would still carry on.
I brought her pieces of waffle I would find once or twice every week, depending on when I found some. But I would. I always would, for my baby.
I'd talk to her in her sleep. I don't know if she ever heard me, but I did it anyways.
After she had gotten sick, she would fall asleep for hours and hours, and I would talk to her for half of it, then I would take care of the kids.
The last time I talked to her, she was very tired. So tired she never woke up. I talked to her for 10 hours that night. Hoping she'd wake up. I never would've known my Maria would leave me so soon.
I took care of our kids after she was gone. They were still fairly young.
And then they were teenagers. And then adults.
67 years later, Melissa was caught by a bigger bird, Mabel the same.
79 years later, Jack went missing, and 80 years later, Beau passed away of natural cause.
I watched it all. I cried for decades.
I cried to the stars, I pleaded to god, asked him to take my life, I asked him of what I had done to deserve such torment. He never answered, as far as I know. But I know pretty far.
I tried to kill my self for the longest time before realizing I was here to stay, and the people I loved weren't.
I stopped talking to people. No one was Maria, no one was my babies. Anyone who tried to talk to me died just a short 100 years later, or less than that. It wasn't worth it.
If I could, I would take my life right now to see my stars for eternity, My Maria and my babies. Oh god, just let me die, release my soul and let me hug my family again. I would do anything you asked for it. Anything. You know I have time.
And it's so awful to think about.
To others, time is a blessing. To me, I can't tell what it is. I wouldn't have met my Maria, but now I've met her, I won't ever stop thinking about her. Was my life a blessing or a curse? Why is my life here? Why is my soul permanent, and hers isn't? Why me? I mean, after all...
I'm just a Bird.
