The Deviants

Familliar faces

Four months ago

The sterile smell of the room filled my nostrils. And the flash of the light from the hallway stings my eyes every time I make a slight turn.

The only thing I've grown accustomed to is the screech of the firm mattress under my weight.
Its consistency with every move reminds me that I'm still here.

The light knocking on the door told me that another sleepless night had come and gone.

"Good morning Francesca, med pass." The nurse chirped as she sat the little plastic cups on my bed side table.

She pulled back the curtains revealing the bluish sky, telling me it's early morning.

"How'd you sleep darling?" Rachel inquired while holding out the med cup to me.
All it earned he was a small shrug from me. She then went on to talk about an endless flow of gossip or of the hot new take of the morning news. Normally I didn't mind it, it would actually give me something to do even if I was just listening and not responding.

But today was different, I felt different. Like there wasn't a point. I found myself staring at the way her manicured nails railed across the table in a simple tune.

A table that was fused to the wall, just how my bed was fused to the ground, and my mirror was made of plastic.
All for the same reason.
Nothing sharp.
Nothing dangerous.
Nothing harmful.
Nothing to provide me a way out of this hell.
That's what I'm in.
Hell.
Nothing but numbness and the never ending flashbacks of the worst moment in my life.

"Oh I've got some exciting news!!" She said with pity excitement. I silently looked up at her waiting for a response.

"Your mother called and you have visitors coming today!! How exciting it'll be good to see some familiar faces."

My first visitors in three months.

————-
Present

I think if I have to sit here for any longer I'm gonna pull my hair out. "Any concerning or over bearing emotions lately?" Dr. Peters asked.

There was a lot I could say. There was always something to say but I can't bring myself to say it.

Because I've learned that once you say something, that's when it truly becomes real.

"What about your appetite? Has that gotten worse or better?"

I glanced at her.

She was beautiful. Not the mainstream type of beautiful.

A wholesome type. One that makes you want to spill your guts with one look into her eyes.

I guess she went into the right occupation.

Why do therapist think this helps. If anything it's making the constant stress headache ring through my ears even more.

My mouth remained shut, not willing to move or utter a single word, let alone my dark thoughts. The thoughts that have lingered for too long, the thoughts that don't seem to leave my mind.

The only sound to be heard was the constant bouncing of my knee.

"You know we can't get any where if you don't tell me about yourself." She spoke tearing me from my thoughts.

"How about we trade a fact about me for a fact about you."

Does she think I'm five, how is this beneficial. I am sick and tired of sitting here and have everyone either treat me like I'm broken glass or like a five year old.