The night before, I couldn't sleep.
I kept wondering about the fact that we were to have a carnival next week. Every time I thought of it, it would remind me of the carnivals we used to have back in Waziristan a long time ago. In the open field you could see huge wooden swings, small tents with stalls and standing in front of them were people, lots and lots of people. Amongst them all, I would feel like a sole leaf in a forest. The swings would move round and round jerking the children up and down while the owner of the swing would try his best to give a push to the gigantic mechanism. The swings would be surrounded by huge red colored decorative tents inside which people sold interesting items, however, the most entertaining stall of them all was the magicians. I can clearly remember the day when I had volunteered from the crowd and he had instructed me to cut a piece of rope into two. Then, he waved his hands round and about the rope until we could see it joined back together! At one side of the whole festival, in the corner would stand a huge cart with its owner standing behind, trying to attract customers. The man would be quite skinny and dirty. He would have long tangled hair and dirt stuck to his face and neck, clearly he looked disgusting although is cart was a wonderful thing. At the side of the cart would be paintings and posters of Pashtu movies that I never got to watch and on the cart would lay lots and lots of cotton candy in every color.
Pushing the thoughts away, I forced the kameez down my neck and headed out of the tent to start with my chores for the day.
"Morning ma'" I said as I rubbed my eyes, adjusting my vision to the bright sun.
"Morning daughter! Come, have some bread. We are short of tea leaves though so you will have to satisfy your hunger with bread for now."
"I know how it is mother." I sighed, "Do you want me to borrow some tea leaves from the auntie nearby"
"Oh no darling!" She quickly turned her attention towards me, "Don't bother the poor people. Besides, they wouldn't give us some anyway, everyone is saving on their food supplies since it's sure that we are not going home anytime soon."
"We won't?" without noticing, I had stopped chewing my food while I waited for mother to answer.
"I don't think so my dear girl. I asked your father but he refused to speak about it so perhaps we aren't going anytime soon."
Surprisingly, it was quite hard for me to absorb what my mother had just said although I was well aware of that fact. Maybe I felt that way because I had so many wonderful memories connected with my past in Waziristan that I didn't want to let go of. Deep down inside me I felt some kind of emptiness that is hard to put into words. I wanted to get it out of my mind, therefore; as soon as I had consumed my bread, I decided to go out for a walk around the camps to get my mind off that subject. Mother also assigned me with the task to bring my brother back to the tent as he had gone to play with some of his bothersome friends without completing his chores. Surely that would divert my mind from sad thoughts, at least that is what I hope so.
That day, the whole camp area was quite noisy than usual and perhaps that was because the school was shut down for some time due to the ferocious rain. Small children jumped in puddles made by rain from the other day, making themselves as dirty and as foul-smelling as a pig. Many of them children had badly cut, bushy hair and most of them didn't wear any pants at all which was something you would normally see in a camp. Well, I don't know about other camps but in ours it was totally normal. Men could not be seen around anywhere near the tents therefore they must have gone to their gathering on the outskirts. I walked for several minutes, occasionally stopping to catch my breath or to ask the native children if they had seen my brother. I assumed that the walk would calm me down yet it didn't. Instead, I felt the burden on my shoulders get heavier. I wanted to be jolly yet I couldn't get myself to smile. Maybe it was automatic for humans to frown in ugly situations because I wasn't able to control my emotions.
