Twisted Past

Chapter 5

Ava POV:

After giving both couples a guest room to stay the night in, Alex and I turned in for the night. After the initial jealousy passed, I was happy for Alex that he had his family back. Though the feeling hasn't left, I might not know him the way I should, and it scares me. How much would Alex change with his family close by? How much until I can't recognize him? I am supposed to marry him in a week. What if things change so drastically that we won't be able to get married? What else didn't I know about his past? I felt the same fear of losing Alex as he did since we got engaged. I never had that feeling. And suddenly, I want our new guest out of our lives.

I looked at myself in the mirror in the bathroom. The worry in my eyes was reflected in the mirror. Am I a bad person for wanting those people out so my relationship will not be endangered?

I got out of the bathroom and looked at my fiancé reading a book in bed. When I closed the door, Alex looked up. His forehead layer is wrinkled. "Are you okay, Sunshine?" I sat down on the bed, and two strong hands pushed me closer to him. "What's wrong?" 'Nothing but everything at the same time' I want to answer. But that's the wrong answer. 'Nothing' is the instinct, but I would lie if I said that. 'Everything' would make him worry. So I go with "I'm just a bit—I don't know." His lips were stroking my arm, and all of a sudden I felt silly. "You know what? It doesn't matter." His hand held my arm.

"It does matter." His voice was as smooth as butter, ripping my heart apart. This man. I turn to him to see his face and look into his green eyes.

"It's just that I feel like I might not know you as well as I thought I did." His brows knitted, so I kept going. "Just, I didn't know that you had a cousin or a best friend who was like a brother to you. I didn't know that you went to high school at a boarding school because your best friend's parents died. Now I am asking myself how much more I don't know about your past." And I was sure that Emilia and Raul knew everything about his past. I thought I knew him the best, but I was proven wrong. Again, jealousy sneaks its way into my heart. "And you said things like 'darling' sarcastically and had to hide your smile in your cousin's hair. You let her hug you for an hour. It was like you were a different person. I feel like I might not know you as well as I thought I did." Alex glanced at me. Then his face turned into stone; no emotion was shown. It was as if he pulled his mask back up again. "What if it turns out I don't know the real you? The real Alex Volkov." It was only a whisper, but he still heard me. He always did. My fingers played with the ends of the blanket while my eyes were watching them.

"I understand." Maybe he did too well. He rearranged himself and was sitting straighter on the bed. "So what exactly do you want to say with that? What do you want?" His voice was flat. Emotionless. It was like a stab in the heart. He knew I wanted to say something, and it hurt him, but he didn't want to show it.

"I don't want to lose you." My voice breaks, but I don't cry. After all, there is nothing to cry about. I look into Alex's eyes and see nothing. No softness. Just looking at them made me feel as cold as ice. One second, Alex was sitting on the bed; the next, he was roaming around. My hands started to shake. I didn't know why, but seeing him like this made me nervous. He was just walking, not saying a single word. His silence was saying enough. No steps could be heard. I felt his stare on my back. Then, taking some more steps, he pulled a drawer open and rummaged around it. Then a sudden and lout shut. I could hear clicking and heavy breathing. What was happening? My eyes met his; there was so much emotion, but I couldn't define which emotion or emotions I saw. He was blinking a lot and very fast, as if he were trying to fly away just with the help of his lashes. "Alex?" His stare was broken. I had never seen him this way. I didn't know what was happening. Didn't know what to do? Should I just wait as his hand gesture proposes it? I was lost. In his right hand was a little black object with a white sticker around it, on which he kept clicking. His breathing became heavier, and he put his left arm on top of the white dresser that was standing next to the wardrobe. It felt like an eternity had passed until Alex sat down on the corner of the bed again, his breathing already calmer. He stopped clicking the object but gripped onto it. I stood up, took it from his hand, and put it on the floor next to me. On the white sticker was a phone number, which was weird. Whose number was it, and why was it on that object? I cupped his face and made his eyes look into mine. Still, I couldn't assign the emotion I saw.

"You want them to leave." His voice was croakier than I ever witnessed. "I heard it in the way you talked and in those sentences. "There was nothing coming out of me. Even if I could, I didn't know what to reply to. A minute goes by, then two. "They are not leaving." My arms got suddenly weak, and I left the touch of his face. I looked at the object again.

"Whose phone number is it?" There was nothing else in my head. Just this one little question. Alex's brows drew together, and then his eyes followed mine. When he recognized the object, his eyes widened and his mouth opened a bit. He acted shocked to see it on the floor, as if he hadn't taken that out of the drawer himself. Another emotion took over his eyes. It looked like sadness, guilt, and something else I couldn't identify.

"It doesn't matter." His gaze was still captured by the object. Then, finally, he looked away. But then it got worse. "Was that everything you were going to say?" Disappointment filled his voice. A lump made its way to my throat. Not being able to say something, I nodded softly. Alex got up, took the object from the floor, and placed it back in the drawer after giving it another look. Then he shut off the lights and made his way to the bed, not glancing at me again. Even when I got in bed and tried to be closer to him, he turned over, making me feel all cold inside. At the start of the day, I was a hundred percent sure there would be a wedding next week. At the end of this day, I had some doubts.