My desires after you (Charles Leclerc)

Thirteenth Part

The question

Gloria Raynolds
I started unpacking when Charles entered the room. He shook his head very sadly and I knew why because I heard his quarrel with Charlotte.

– Don't bother with me, let's pack it out - he said
He caught one of my bags when I let down a little.

– Don't touch that! I shouted

– Why are there such women's things in it? - asked

– No, don't open it! - I said
He opened it.
Everything that was in it fell to the ground.

– What is that? - he picked it up from the ground.
– Pandazizi- I answered

– What the hell is that? - he asked mockingly

– Fruit-flavored puffed rice. - i said with a huge smile. I actually addicted to this snack.

As soon as we unpacked, I felt at home.

You know, I realized after so many years that the reason so many people look at me is because I have an appearance and a stance that no one else in the world has except me. Because of my special head shape. You know, in the past I always wore cheap, insignificant thrash clothes that suppressed my features. I didn't really wear makeup or do my hair. Not because I neglected myself. But because I like it. So you'd think I was pretty boyish, but I wasn't. They looked because they saw in me how deeply I was suffering (I almost cried here). To the boyish beggar, (Gyula Vádász aka. Gyulus🤪) they saw the woman in the little girl who seemed weak, they saw me deep inside. The part of me that was deeply suppressed by the traumas! I didn't wear HUF 7,000 clothes like others. (if I tried to ask, they beat me, yelled at me, who do you think pays for your utilities and food?!) I didn't wear make-up like others. I didn't even have makeup on. Now it sounds like we are poor, but we didn't always have to go to the bank to withdraw money so that the balance on the card wouldn't be too high, we stored millions in the closet among the thrash clothes, tell me why?! I don't understand how I could understand them if they didn't understand me either?! I always wore my hair the same way because I liked it and because I had time for it, but they looked down on me! Even then, I was more than them, I was more than a stupid plastic doll with a tiny brain, well dressed! I had a personality that they instilled in me at the beginning. I was afraid that if I let it out, they will see my real self, I will look vulnerable and I will reveal all my cards. But in front of them, in fact, I didn't show my true self to anyone, even I don't know what it is.As a child, at the age of 4, my parents told me that if I stay like this and don't change myself, I won't have friends, I won't have anyone, everyone will leave me and I will die alone. It was me. I'm still not completely myself, but I'm trying to be! To bring myself back. To be who God created you to be. He gave me the role in our game to get up no matter how many slaps I get and make me stronger. Let me show the world who I am and how to shine. Those who oppressed me a long time ago, I will oppress them. - at this point I was already red with rage and almost tears came out. Charles addressed Ria, listen, take a deep breath and try to calm down, he said.
-Never tell an asthmatic to take deep breaths because I can't, my lungs are dying and they don't have enough capacity! You know how many times I've failed such a test and how many times I've gone home sulking because of this on public transport and everyone was looking at me, but no one ever came to ask me what's wrong! - I said
It was me. I'm still not completely myself, but I'm trying to be! To bring myself back. To be who God created you to be. He gave me the role in our game to get up no matter how many slaps I get and make me stronger. Let me show the world who I am and how to shine. Those who oppressed me a long time ago, I will oppress them. - at this point I was already red with rage and almost tears came out. Charles addressed Ria, listen, take a deep breath and try to calm down, he said