Time Capsule #2

2023 - 2024

2023. Here we go again.

I was really frustrated answering last year. Having lost my old wattpad account, I had to write everything from it in my notes and paste it onto this new account. Wattpad wouldn't let me copy it and it wasn't something I was going to turn my PC on for. Fuck that. So I wrote every word of it, spelling mistakes and all. I was frustrated by that time, and tired. So I slept. It's the next day, october 31st. We never seem to remember, do we? It's 10 days on from the original ‘capsule’.

It seems every time I do one of these, I get more and more miserable. I hate myself a little more. This started in 2020. It's been 3 years since then. I've watched myself get angrier and angrier at older and older versions of myself. And I've simultaneously watched my young self become less and less excited. Less embarrassing, less weird. Less loving, and less caring. I was a character in 2020. Using stupid punctuation faces, talking to myself like a real person. Having a genuine conversation. Young me was so excited to see who she would become.

Truth is, I don't know who I am anymore. I know young me was so determined to find herself, and she felt so close to doing so. But life isn't like that. She was good at living in the moment - I'm not.

I miss her.

And as I read these chapters,

I realise how horrible she was to herself.

She hates me.

What did I do to her?

Anyway.

You know what's coming. You've expected this since you remembered the time capsules.

Are you still with him?

I can see us with him in January. I'd say maybe it goes further than that. If it does, congratulations, you're in a serious relationship.

If you're not, then.

I'm sorry, is all I can say.

If you broke up, I don't know when it was. I don't know if you're over it. I don't know what emotions I'm bringing up. And all I can say is that I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have brought him up at all, but I want to know.

If you are with him, I want you to be happy. I want you to be excited to tell me that all my worries were for nothing.

Aside from him, how is work? Are you still at the casino? I bet you are. We already know a year isn't a very long time, especially now that we're out of school. I bet nothing much has changed... except for ourselves.

Are we a better person now?

Are we happy?

I can see myself being happy a year from now.

When everything sorts itself out, I think I'll be happy.

What about driving? Did you pass your test?

How's your love of FNaF coming along? For now, I've come to a steady point. I know it's not worth the notes I took on it. It is what it is. We all need a lesson from Mr. Hippo. “Sometimes a story is just a story”.

What else is there to talk about?

We named her Ketamine, didn't we. You still her friend? She's a wonky one. But oh well.

I don't have to ask about the other two. ‘Darren and Jesus’. That makes me laugh.

Alfie? He's still around?

Did your dad get the job?

WHAT'S HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE????

Well ANYWAY. Maybe this has been a short one. But I need to go. Not really, just... have nothing else to say.

I love you. I always will. Never forget it.

This is the only version of me that will last so long. I kind of don't want to let it go.

Goodbye.

Thank you for this conversation.