The Naked Truth [Ryden]

Twenty-six: The Naked Truth

He'd been a good kid. Brendon had first met Dallon not long into his relationship with Spencer, though nothing actually happened between them until Spencer had declared their first 'off' phase.

Technically it wasn't cheating, technically it was just Brendon moving between Dallon and Spencer whenever he pleased, the latter not even knowing that the former existed. And Brendon was a good liar, he was an excellent liar, because even in the public eye and all, he kept Dallon as his big, sinful secret.

And Dallon was perfect; young, ambitious, open to try any sort of consensual sexual act that Brendon wanted to experiment with. The complete opposite of Spencer, who was a 'get married, settle down, have kids' type of guy, despite the fact that Brendon clearly was not that and Brendon clearly did not want that, not until he was forty at least.

Brendon's only regret was getting him involved in the first place; if he'd never thought it a good idea to cheat on Spencer then maybe Dallon would still be alive.

At least, that's what he thought as he lay on the spot where Dallon and Spencer's parents were buried, after storming away from Ryan yet again. He lay on his front, cheek pressed against the dirt that was being dampened by yet more rain, his clothes soaked through. He had dirt in his fingernails and tears on his face, and he just wanted it all to be over.

"I thought I'd find you here."

He didn't have to look up to know that Ryan was there, and his heart sank. He did not want to see Ryan right now. He didn't want to see anyone.

"Bet this isn't the first time you've seen me with a filthy face, huh?" He mumbled, hearing Ryan laugh as he sat beside him.

"That's true. It's a different kind of filth though, right?"

Brendon snorted. "I suppose so, yeah."

There was a pause. "Listen, B, I -"

"I don't want to talk about it." He said, his voice muffled by dirt. "Sarah told me that Spencer's in a coma. Everyone hates me. I - I - how is it possible to be hurt this way and still have everyone hate you?"

Ryan reached out and stroked the younger's sodden hair, ignoring the grumble that came from him. "I'm sorry." He whispered, his voice lost in the rain. "I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen."

"But it fucking happened, didn't it."

"Brendon, please -"

"Spencer might die, and Dallon is dead...because of me."

Ryan hesitated, trying to think of something to say that wasn't related to this, and he sighed. "When's your next shoot?"

"I'm quitting."

It came like a punch to the gut. "You're what?!"

"I can't do it anymore. I give up. I don't want to be a pornstar anymore."

"But Brendon -"

"My entire life, for nearly seven years, has been dictated by sex and making people come and being messed around with to the point where I don't know who I am anymore. I don't want to do it, Ryan." He rolled onto his back, allowing the model to see, for the first time, his tear-stained, dirt-smeared face, and maybe Ryan loved him, maybe Ryan cared about him, but it was too late now. "I'm quitting pornography."

Ryan exhaled slowly and laid beside him, taking his hand. "If it makes you happier -"

Brendon turned his head to face him, and fixed him with a blank look. "The only thing that will make me happier is leaving."