Stan and Kyle were the hottest couple at school, even better than Heidi and Cartman, they were like best friends. They went on dates every week and listened to each other, they were the best couple. One day, Stan and Kyle were walking, Stan holding Kyle's hand in his as they walked through the crowded hallways and into their classroom. As they both sat in their seats next to each other, Mr Garrison, their teacher, entered the classroom, a boy following behind him. "This is our new student, Gary." Mr Garrison says tiredly, obviously tired of all their nine year old tomfoolery. "Hi! I'm Gary!!! I'm so happy to be here!!" Gary says happily, as Stan raises an eyebrow, recognizing Gary as someone he once knew...An old friend...'It couldn't be..." Stan thought to himself, shaking off the feeling and turning to Kyle, kissing him on the cheek. "I love you, Kylie boo boo bear." He says, smiling at Kyle, "I love you too, Stanny boo." Kyle replies, giggling like a fucking child. Meanwhile, Gary walks over to a desk, which is coincidentally next to Stan's. Gary sits down and looks at Stan, immediately recognizing him. "STAN?? STAN MARSH?? IS THAT YOU?" Gary shouts, giddy. "Gary...? Is that you...? It's me, Stan, your bestest friend!!" Stan shouts back, filled with excitement. Kyle watches, rolling his eyes, obviously jealous of the attention Stan was giving Gary. While Stan and Gary converse, Kyle gets up and sits next to Tolkien. "Hey, Token..." Kyle says, mispronouncing Tolkien's name, "Hi, Kyleee!!!" Tolkien replies, happy to be able to talk to Kyle, "Wanna make some TikToks???" Tolkien asks, which in response, Kyle nods. Kyle sets up his phone and begins filming a TikTok with Kyle...The iconic "pretty girls walk like this" thingamajig. Stan immediately notices this and is filled with jealousy. 'How dare he...' Stan thinks, his face going red in rage. "What's wrong, Stan?" Gary asks, concerned by the color of Stan's face. "Nothing." Stan replies sharply, glaring at Kyle and Tolkien angrily, before glancing back at Gary, an idea popping into his mind. 'Ah-hah! I'll make him jealous back!' Stan thinks, wrapping his arm around Gary's shoulder and whispering in his ear seductively, "Hey, Gary...Wanna go out sometime, hm?" Stan asks, his voice low and seductive, this gets Kyle's attention, but he quickly turns his head away. Gary blushes at Stan's tone, "Sure..." He replies shyly. 'My plan is working perfectly...SOON KYLE WILL BE ALL MINE. MWHAAHHAHAHAJJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAHAUWHHE.' Stan thinks, smirking deviously and hugging Gary. On Wednesday, Stan gets ready for his 'date' with Gary, putting on his best suit and slicking his hair back. At the restaurant, Stan and Gary talk, Gary absolutely smitten. "Sooo..Stanny poo, what happened to you dating Kyle?" Gary asks, looking at Stan with heart eyes. "Oh, we're not a thing anymore, don't worry..." Stan lies, leaning in to kiss Gary, puckering his lips, before planting a kiss on Gary's lips. Kyle, who is walking by, witnesses this and is absolutely heartbroken. Sobbing, he runs home and gets some rope from his shed, tying a noose and hanging it up, standing up on a chair (he's short asf) and putting his neck through the hole, jumping off the chair and...He's dead. Later that day, Stan is watching the news, where they mention the death of Kyle Broflovski. Stan's eyes widen as he covers his mouth, tears slowly running down his cheeks. "No..No.. What did I do...?" Stan mutters, absolutely mortified by what the news reporter just said. Weeks passed and Stan wasn't the same anymore, he cut contact with Gary and stopped hanging out with his friends, never getting over the death of Kyle.
The end.
The moral of the story: If you're dating someone you like a lot, make sure they aren't friends with Gary.
