Free hearts

I still love you

It's 4am and I woke up.It was dark in the living room, I turned on my mobile phone and went to the bathroom. I scared myself because my Halloween make up was all ruined. Honestly what U expected. I wash my face and still look at myself in the mirror. I don't know why. What if Sabrina was right about something?
What if everyone sees me like her?
Like a slut that only wants bad things for everyone.
Am I the bad thing?
I leaned my hands on the sink.
My overthinking always gets me.
I went back to the living room but stopped between the door. And the overthinking is back.
What if he has a girlfriend he didn't tell me about?
What if he doesn't want to be here at all and hang out with me, he's just being polite so he stay?
" Fuck, Y/n stop it!" 
I sat down next to him and saw that he is awake.
"Sorry, did I wake you up?" I whisper
"Nah, it's okay" he lit up  the lamp.
"Sorry I fell asleep and didn't watch the movie with you." he continue.
"It's okay, you had a concert so I understand it." I smile
"Do you want to watch it ?" he ask.
"Yes!" I turned on the TV.

It's 6am and I woke up to my phone ringing.
"Oh God" I take the call it's my boss. Again. "Yeah" I say with sleepy voice.
"Can you come to the work even today?" he say.
"No, I can't today. Sabrina and Emily can do it. "
"It's only Emily here. " boss
"Why she not in job again?" Y/n
"Some family problem. " boss
" So call Jessica I don't care I'm off today." I take off the call.
"Who was it?" Jann ask with sleepy voice.
"My boss  I hate this job ,but I need her ." I rolled my eyes.
"How bad can it be? You're just making coffee."
I give him a serious look.
" You didn't say that." He look at me with I don't know face.
" now get up" I slap his leg and go to the kitchen give Bonnie food.
Jann followed me.
"What do you want for breakfast?"
He ask and opened fridge.
"Nothing, but you can do something for yourself or I will do it for you." I always skip the breakfast.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah" I poured granules to Bonnie's bowl.
Jann make him self two sandwiches with butter,salami and lettuce.
He bit off a piece and again ask me
" You really don't want to? I have one more. "
"No, I'm fine." I sat at chair in front of him.
"Today I need buy some flowers and candles. Do you go with me? If you don't want to you-" he interrupted me
" I'll go with you. Why do you want buy it?" He ask with full mouth.
"Don't talk with full mouth like a little child. I want put it on grave my grandma's. " I say and look at the floor.
He grabbed my right hand that was lying on the table and smiled.

Let's skip the shop

At cemetery I was alone.( lol)
I put the flowers in a vase and lit  candles. I edited it there. I am the only one who takes care of her grave. I watered the flowers,swept around and pulled out the weeds.  I sat down in front of the grave.
" Dear Grandma, I miss you so much. Sometimes I need your advice, it's not always easy. I was planning to come visit you, but I met Jan. Do you remember him? He was my best friend. I couldn't leave Bonnie too. I believe you are doing well there and you are looking at me from the heaven.  I love you..." I wiped my tears and sat quietly for a while. I stand up and go home with tears in eyes.