Apology | a Lobo Family Oneshot

Apology

As Teddy entered the Lobo compound, the noise immediately drowned his thoughts. It was nearly always loud. If not loud it was at least noisy. A gallimaufry of music, different voices and unrhythmic clacking and clinking. An evenly chaotic concourse of 'family' members made this douchebag plaza a sensory overload. Even Teddy didn't know most of these people by their name. At this point 'family' was a very loose term. Everyone who worked for the Lobo empire was considered family.

„Teddy!" a somewhat familiar voice called. He turned his head to see Ryan standing a few meters away from him, leaning against one of the banisters. „Your mom wants to see you." he muttered as Teddy stepped closer to him. A sentence he knew all too well. His heart sank. It never meant something good when Bella-Francesca wanted to meet him. „Upstairs?" he assured himself to which Ryan nodded. He walked past him, up to his mothers office. For once the noise from downstairs was drowned out by his restless anxiety building up. He could feel his blood rushing, followed by a sudden dizziness. He took a deep breath that made him feel a smothering sensation, before slowly pushing down the door handle.
He entered the office room to find his mom, standing by the window. She looked up to her son and he closed the door behind himself. „Teddy... take a seat please." she commanded with her usual deep and husky voice, gesturing towards the chaise lounge. He did as she said, like he always did. When Bella-Francesca told him to do something, saying 'no' wasn't an option. Even questioning it would be risky.
There was such a loaded tension in the air, they'd have to take a scissor and cut through it, to filter down to each other. But before Teddy could contemplate the possible reasons for his mothers demand to see him, he was startled by her voice again.
„I am glad you are back home." she started and placed her hand on his shoulder, as she sat down next to him. Something seemed different about her now. He felt it but couldn't exactly put his finger on what it was. He just nodded before she continued speaking. „I know that you probably think that I don't care about you, sometimes. And I also understand that you do think that, I don't want to blame it on you, Teddy." she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Her words confused him. He never heard her talk with such genuine kindness in her voice, not even when he was a child. Growing up as the first born son of the mob boss meant nothing but loneliness to him. He couldn't complain about anything, as he was a spoiled rotten kid, but all the money and costly gifts didn't replace the care and the affection a child needs. He learned to behave from an early age, and that the only thing that ever matters is to make his parents proud. His parents who built an empire. And they needed to know this empire is in secure hands. Hands that are not afraid to get a little dirty, as Bella-Francesca always says. Teddy realized soon in his life that things were easier when he stopped questioning them and just behaved. Because in the end it would never be his choice. But right now, his whole focus was on what his mother had to tell him. He wasn't sure if the unusual softness in her voice should relieve his mind or scare him more.

„I do care about you, Teddy." she continued. „Ever since your father passed, I noticed things got even worse between us. And I know that growing up wasn't easy for you. I know that because I was raised the same." she took a deep breath and slowly pulled her hand away from his shoulder. He was staring at her with his big brown eyes full of uncertainty the whole time, but she avoided meeting his gaze. „What I wanted to say is... that I am sorry. I am truly sorry. I know it won't fix you or all the damage that I did to people. But especially to you. I tried so hard to make you a person you never were. I wanted you to be like your father so badly. I built an empire, this family is an empire." Bella-Francesca stopped for a second. „But mom, I am like dad! I am exactly like him! And I do everything you say! People are fucking scared of us!" Teddy suddenly weighed in. She shushed him immediately. „Stop lying. Do you think I never noticed all the times you lied to me? All the times you said you killed someone while you waited in the car outside? All the times you said that stupid traffic cop got away when you were just too scared to pull the trigger?" she shook her head. She wasn't exactly mad but she raised her voice by habit. „I am trying to tell you that it's okay, so don't lie to me. Since Ritchie passed I noticed that I tried even harder to make you take his place. A place you never wanted to take. I should've accepted it but... it was hard for me to see my empire fall apart under my own hands." For the first time her voice seemed to break. Barely noticeable but Teddy would hear the slightest change in his mothers tone. „I tried to drench your hands in the blood I drew. Blood you would never draw. I thought I raised a coward but... instead I should've been proud of you. I should have questioned my own actions but ... at some point I just kept the business going. You know when you do something just because you always did it? You are so used to it that no one could tell you to stop, because you wouldn't allow them to shake the fundamental structure of your machinery. And instead of taking advice you start to hate those who try to question your actions. You start to hate people who only want the best for you, people who love you, even your own family. I am so incredibly sorry for that, Teddy." He looks at her in utter disbelief. As if hearing his mother speak such heartfelt words was the most unbelievable thing to him. But there was an apology. It was like he noticed the exact moment when she gained awareness of the generational trauma and the cycle she never broke. Although he couldn't figure out why she would suddenly compromise all her principles. All the gut-wrenching cruelty she put him through felt so much more familiar to him. „I don't just say this to silence my conscience. I don't even think there are any words in this world that could ever silence the hell that my conscience became after all those years. I say this so you know it. You apologized so many times when I should have said that I am sorry. You asked for forgiveness so often when I should have relented first. There was nothing to forgive because I was the one who tainted your clean slate with dirt. I made everyone responsible for the things I didn't want to do myself, just because I could. Because my position gave me the power to do this to all of you. But especially to you, Teddy." Now she looked at him. She could see herself in him. Once she was his age and looked at her own father with the same scared eyes, when he told her that there's no choice but to relentlessly rule this empire.

„Mom... What does this all even mean? Why do you suddenly say this? What's wrong?!" Teddy asked after he finally mustered up the courage to speak again. „Don't ask that. The only thing that's wrong is what I did. Look, I am not expecting you to accept my apology, but-..."

„I do accept it, I do! Of course I do, mom!"

„Teddy..."

„Sorry... sorry... for interrupting you."

She sighed. „So the thing is ... that we aren't here forever. You know what they engraved in grandpa's headstone. Patriarch of the Lobo Family. Because that's what he was. Before he was a loving husband, a loving father or even a friend to someone, he was a patriarch. A ruler. And what am I? A carbon-copy of him. I don't want you to become my spitting image. Even though I made you feel like this was the only way I saw you growing up."
With a shuddering breath, she blinked rapidly, trying in vain to hold back tears. And Teddy already felt responsible again. As if it was his job to cheer her up and his fault that she started crying now.

„Come here." she said as she pulled her son close to her. She hugged him. It was the first time she ever hugged him. For the first time since his own childhood, he experienced something that felt like genuine affection. He was having a moment so vulnerable, it could destroy who he is, to his very core.

„Mom... can I still ask you something?"

„I love you, Teddy." she said. „What's your question?"

„Oh... nothing then."