Is this anger that I feel?
Or is it just pretending?
My surface levels I will peel
To reach an understanding.
Though flesh was torn,
And I lost my blessing,
I've been reborn
In a heart's guessing.
It's a game I hate to play.
One I'm bad at.
Losing is to obey
Departing what I'm part at.
The wound is aching,
Deep into my brain.
So deep it's condescending
And all this reaching seems in vain.
It's rooted in mistakes.
It's feeding off of fear.
Despite my want to progress
And to love what comes near.
My heart is numb,
My mind's not silent.
I want to burn.
To become violent.
I fear too much,
Yet not at all.
How can these remember such
What was meant to fall?
To mark the pieces of my past
To gleam with butterflies
Reminds of spells i used to cast
To keep myself satisfied.
My mind hit hard,
And I let it.
Corrupt and eat me and my heart,
So that I won't forget it.
Even beauty has its turns
Of putrid and refusal.
Reused, mended and returned
Back again, to my own funeral.
I begged for an answer
Latched onto life itself.
But my hope began to falter
And it's dragging me to hell.
There's no humor in my falling.
I have lost my paradise.
I have lost my brand new calling
Into broken shards of ice.
