If You Never Left

Prologue

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I am such a romantic, loving those dandelions blooming in the field, the sound of violin playing in your heart when you fall in love, thats what SRK said by the way.

You are wearing a yellow gown and swinging like a wind across your partner and feeling the queen of the world when he finally looks in your eyes, desire popping through his ones and he says those three words.

But unfortunately, the kind of romance I want doesnt exist in my life. Looking at the rate of casual relationships I am expected to have from the number of men I dated, I feel it won't ever happen in an eternity.

Sometimes I think what if romance is opposite of the popular notion of what people call Romance.

The leaves falling from the tree in the autumn signifying death is romance for me because it signals a life...soon.

The starry night with a full moon sounds scary with wolves howling in background, but its romantic because it signifies the presence of light in the darkness.

Romance doesnt have to be always extraordinary; it can be as simple as a glance of your loved one, or as dark as a night in the woods.

But why am I wondering about it anyway, not that I got any romance in my life since high school. Wait! yes, I said I had relationships, you don't call them romance.

Josh asking me for a prom and just because he was a popular guy, I agreed to go with him, when I didnt even like him. I had a thirty-one percent of crush on him.

Just thirty - one.

But peer pressure always hit at the core, because if I would have somebody else for it, I would have straightened up and would've denied Josh for the prom with a wicked queen smile. Being the savage girl which I am clearly not.

All I do every day is wake up, go to my dream office which isnt dreaming like it should dream because of my sexist ass pathetic boss.

Number of wins I had going prom with him, None.

Number of losses I had, two.

One: he spilled his drink on the prom dress. Two: for I lost my best friend. I don't know if Josh was ever a reason for him to suddenly vanish out of the blue right after the day of prom but a part of me felt he was.

I was the only friend he had in high school, for that he was bullied almost by everyone for his skinny looks and pale skin, like come on!

Now people got nothing to bully for so they got him for that. I hated it when he tried to answer a question asked by our teacher and everyone shunned him off by mimicking his accent.

I tried helping him through not out of sympathy but just because I felt we were similar.

Different. From everyone.

My perspectives were different while his accent. Soon I realized his thoughts were also different when he expressed to me how he likes the idea of baking sweets in a kitchen and then suddenly says he likes the idea of burning the whole school down with no one inside (kindness) and completely making a new building for all the anti-bully people stronger than the bullies.

I soon realized how deeply impacted he was because of bullying than I imagined when he just lashed out on me when I said don't take bullies seriously.

We had numerous moments of togetherness when we felt like family...why am I saying so much about him, now that he has left my life.

It has been years since I dated anyone else than that. Josh. All the others came as a date but ended up them laying off the expectations of just being casual with me.

But who knows, maybe I may get hooked on someone maybe the very next second because now the only thing left in my life is to find love, the real love.

The love in which I can experience romance. The place where I am cherished for who I am. I have achieved everything I wanted in my life, at least what I planned to achieve.

Am I happy with those achievements? Not yet.

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