Fall Down & Smile

Chapter 22

"After All These Years"

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playing like a scared, enthusiastic pawn

Dawn was crying. I was exhausted. I wasn't sure what to do. I

felt empty. The house looked so different now. The curtains were

fluttering in the wind that came in from the ocean. The rich smell of

saltwater and sand had long ago sunk into every fiber of the carpet.

Bruno came bounding up, eager to go outside. He was three times as

big as he'd been. Almost 30 pounds now. James opened the glass door and

took him outside.

Peaches was perched on the staircase, she blinked at us and turned

the other way. She was too tired to give a proper greeting. We were all

too tired.

I set Dawn down on a chair in the kitchen and began making tea.

"I can't believe it," she choked out, dabbing at her eyes with a

handkerchief. "All those weeks of agonizing torture."

I could only nod. It was still too overwhelming. The sound of the

kettle hitting the stove seemed dulled. The cabinet clicking shut after

I'd taken down two mugs. The sound of the glass door closing as Bruno and

James came back inside. Bruno barked and wagged his tail at me. I tossed

him a treat and went back to my own numbness. The tea bags landed in the

mugs with a soft plunk, seething once the water hit them and their herbal

flavor poured from the packets and seeped through to the scalding water.

But it was tasteless to me. I couldn't figure out why.

Dawn and I sat in silence.

*******

in silver a golden son

I sat at my computer, the curser blinking evilly at me. Daring me

to write down what I was feeling. Challenging me. Nothing made it from my

brain to my fingers. It barely made it to my brain. I just kept biting my

finger nail and staring out the window. I was so god damned tired. But it

was still early. I still needed to get dinner ready. Or order out for

Chinese. That was looking better and better as the minutes ticked by.

James came into the room and crawled into my lap. He wrapped his

arms around my neck. He was too big to sit on my lap but I let him anyway.

I think it was more for my comfort than his own.

"Everything is going to be okay, Mama," he said to me and leaned