To Capture A Heart

1

•Elysian Monroe•

I wasn't sure if it was the liquor or the weed that had me speeding down the highway carefree. I took a peek at my dashboard and saw I was pushing 95. I chuckled lowly and pressed down on my peddle, satisfied with the increase of speed.

No one was on the highway at night, I could do whatever speed I wanted. I took another peek and was satisfied, I turned on auto pilot and allowed the car to drive itself. I didn't take my hand off the wheel. Despite the adrenaline and intoxication, I was in no mood to die tonight.

I continued to drive, with no destination. I needed to clear my head. I had seen too many clients today, my mind filled with their misery and hopelessness. My heart baring their pain, a pain i hadn't experienced before. A pain I don't wish to feel.

I sighed. Becoming a relationship counselor was supposed to teach me about love, but it only introduced me to endless one-sided relationships, broken promises, lies, and betrayal.

No one warned me that being a relationship counselor would involve bearing others' pain as well as my own. I couldn't help but laugh—what had I really expected? That it would be easy? I quickly shook my head, drinking to stop thinking and smoking to numb the pain.

Glancing at the clock, I noted it was almost 3 a.m. I groaned; it was time to head home. Eileen probably waited on the couch, as usual, to greet me before bed. Her fear of losing me, just as we lost our parents, was palpable. My speeding likely didn't alleviate her fears, I thought with a soft chuckle.

I turned off autopilot and eased my foot off the pedal. Reaching over to the passenger seat, I picked up the pre-roll that had been sitting there throughout the ride.

I grabbed my lighter out of my cup holder and lit the pre roll. I dropped the lighter back into my cup holder and held the blunt up to my lips. I kept it there as I pulled a few times, rolling down my window, i tap the blunt on the window slightly so the ash could fall.

I turned off the highway and made a left turn at the light. I knew my way around this city like I know the back of my hand, it wouldn't take longer than 20 minutes for me to make it back home.

I tapped on my phone and quickly changed the song as I was coming to a red light. I put the blunt back to my lips and took another pull, holding the smoke in, i could feel the burn in the back of my throat. I exhaled and coughed harshly. I love when the weed hits back, it's as if it's saying 'I'm not going down without a fight.'

A few turns and pulls later, I found myself backing into my driveway. The porch light is on, which means Eileen went to bed. I softly sighed, grateful I wouldn't have to face her right now. She may be my younger sister, but she can sometimes act as if she's the oldest. I turned my car off and grabbed the Patron bottle off the floor of the car and took a large gulp.

Eileen is 14, she shouldn't have to act as a caregiver. Not right now, not for me. It should be me taking care of her not the other way around. For the past few weeks, I've been coming home like this. Reeking of alcohol, weed and sadness. she continuously tries to get me to quit but I can't, how would I be able to afford a roof over our heads then?

I sighed, grabbed my phone, pulled the keys from the ignition, and stepped out of the car. Walking up the path was more challenging than I realized; I hadn't noticed just how impaired I was. A chuckle escaped me at the thought. However, my amusement was cut short by the sound of the door opening. Glancing up, I saw Eileen standing in the doorway, clad only in a tank top and shorts.

"Eileen, how many times must I tell you not to open the door like that? In fact, why open it at all? I have a key," I slurred.

Without a word, she moved aside, and I hurried into the house, shutting the door behind me.