All My Tears

Chapter One

"Come on," she sighed through her teeth. "Just turn the knob and walk out the door."

Namine had been at the door to her apartment for at least five minutes now, forehead pressed into the wood and hand hovering above the doorknob all the while.

It had been like this for days, maybe even a week now that she thought about it. At first, living in her little apartment hadn't been this difficult. It hadn't been easy, but she'd found her way out onto the street at least twice a week back then. Whether the walks were taken alone or with company had been almost entirely up to chance, but they had been mostly nice either way. She would often run into at least one of the gang while out and about, and once in a while she'd even been invited to come out for some form of gathering.

She wasn't sure when she'd stopped saying yes, but it felt like ages ago now that she couldn't even manage to go out alone.

Now more than ever before she spent her time alone in her room with her sketch pad and delivery dinners from down the road. It just didn't feel right, being around the people she'd only ever hurt, and she couldn't see past it. Why would they ever want to have her around? It didn't ever make sense no matter how many times she went over it in her head.

All she'd ever been good for was stealing people's memories and feelings.

Just someone else's shadow...

It didn't help of course that her feelings were at war with each other every minute of every day.

Sure, in theory, having an emotional connection to two other girls her age should be comforting, but in practice it only made her feel worse. The constant turmoil of feeling Kairi's loss and Xion's growing feelings for Roxas made Namine's stomach turn almost around the clock. One minute she'd feel fine and the next she'd be wrapped in a ball on her mattress trying, and failing, not to cry.

I need this, she tried to convince herself. She pulled her head back once and gently let it knock against the door one more time as she sighed. "You need to go outside," she gritted her teeth and finally grasped and turned the handle. Her door swung open and once more she let out a long sigh.

The blonde didn't know where this day would take her but she knew it had to be somewhere other than here. Out through the halls and stairways and onto the street she walked, trying her best to keep her chin up. Something in her kept pulling her gaze back down to the ground, some strange desire to not meet anyone's eyes on the street, whether she knew them or not.

Talking to people hadn't been at the front of her mind this morning when she'd forced herself to the door, just a walk, maybe get a few groceries to restock the fridge and that was all. Fresh air, fresh food, and a walk.

That was enough.

All of that changed when she rounded the corner of her apartment building and was nearly knocked down by a small crowd of people running past in a bit of a frenzy.

Through the bodies of strangers she began to catch glimpses of shimmers, light bouncing off of metal in the dewy morning and noise began to fill the air.

The noise of the people running as they yelled for their lives, and the more familiar noise of blades and of the pop and fizzle of Dusks being cut to shreds.

She had expected this possibility, but hoped against it. Nobody activity had slowed down significantly since everyone's return home, but they did rear their heads every now and again. Axel, Xion, Roxas and Isa were almost always all over it within moments. They had some innate sense for where and when the stray nobodies would appear, even from all the way across town so the messes were always cleaned up before anybody got hurt.