The Way We Burn

Three: Sully

My head was still a mess when I walked into the station two days later. I'd spent the entirety of my forty-eight hours off replaying every second of the night at Kindling. I couldn't shake how it haunted me, how she haunted me. The sparkle of those ice-colored eyes, the curve of her red painted smile, the pink tint of the chill on the tip of her nose. If she had been anyone else, literally anyone else... Things would've ended differently.

So fucking differently.

The most frustrating part was that I knew that nothing could ever happen. I knew we would never be anything. We couldn't be anything. I'd known her since she was a child for god's sake. I knew her entire family, her parents. They'd taken me in as if I their own. I couldn't cross that line. Fuck, Gus would never forgive me for the thoughts I'd had before I learned her identity. He sure as shit wouldn't if something actually happened. But nothing was going to happen. I was going to make sure of it.

"Cap?"

I jumped at the sound of Finn's voice suddenly blaring in the silence of the locker room."Jesus, kid, what?" I nearly growled as I went back to toweling myself off like I was supposed to be when I got distracted.

"Jumpy, jumpy," Finn teased. "Too lost in memories of your hot weekend to hear me come in?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I retorted, slamming my locker open.

"Come on. You really gonna leave me in the dark about what happened with Hot White... Snow Hot? I don't know. You know who I'm talking about." Finn threw one leg over the bench and sat down. "Spill."

"There's nothing to spill, Finn. Nothing happened," I stated as I pulled a clean T-shirt over my head.

Finn scoffed. "Bullshit. Everyone in the place saw the way you two were eye-fucking each other. You really expect me to believe it didn't translate to real fucking?"

I winced at the thought. "I honestly don't give a shit what you believe, Finn, but nothing fucking happened. We talked for a bit in the parking lot and went our separate ways."

"Talked." The blond snorted. "Right."

"Seriously. We talked. Ten minutes max and then I was back here getting my shit," I stated, gazing directly into the blue eyes that bore into me. They were darker than hers. Hers almost looked like...

Goddammit.

"Seriously?" Finn asked, his tone conveying his disappointment. "Why? You had that in the bag! Why would you walk away?"

"First, can we not talk about her like she's some trophy please? It's gross. Secondly, people can flirt and not end up banging, okay? It's not a huge deal."

"Sure, people flirt and don't end up banging, but why would you want to?" Finn pressed. "She was fucking hot, dude. Why wouldn't you fucking go for it?"

"I don't want to talk about this, man," I stated, looking down as I fastened my belt. "Nothing happened, nothing will be happening. Drop it."

"There's something you're not telling me..."

"Cap?" Flanagan shouted as he barreled through the locker room door.

I rolled my eyes. "Jesus. I know where not to come for privacy. What now?"

"The Chief's here. He wants to talk to you."

My eyes blew wide open. Fuck. FUCK. There's no way... "Why's he want to talk to me?" I asked, hoping the boys wouldn't hear the crackle of nerves in my voice. "Isn't Duncan here?"

Simon Duncan was our battalion chief, and usually when Gus Castellanos came to visit, it was to talk to him. Of course, we always at the very least greeted each other and shot the shit for a minute or two, but he never came down to our station house to talk TO me. I was just the captain. I was on the bus, out in the field, not doing the office- political crap.