Part 2 of chapter 18.
TW: eating disorders, cutting, ... lmk if I forgot anything
"How have you been feeling, lately?"
Hoseok fiddled with his thumbs. "It's been okay I guess. Nothing eventful has happened recently."
(That was a lie. The previous week, Namjoon had caught Hoseok in the bathroom with his fingers down his throat)
She nodded. "How have your thoughts been?"
"Fine. Haven't been thinking." (Lie)
"Have you been more open with your group members?"
"Absolutely." (Lie)
"Will you ever not lie to me?"
"Soon." (When will he ever stop lying to himself?)
She sighed, closing her notebook. "I'll see you in two days. Please try to talk to your members, at least a little bit."
Hoseok bows as he leaves, then hurries out the door. He climbs into the company car parked in front of the office building. "How was your appointment?"
He looked over to see Yoongi sitting in the backseat, a small smile on his face. He couldn't do this right now, he didn't want to hurt Yoongi.
"Fine." He said, taking a deep breath through his nose, trying to show that he didn't feel like crying. He would be fine eventually.
Yoongi didn't say anything, just patted the seat next to him. Hoseok mentally thanked his hyung for not asking him a million questions he didn't think he would ever know the answer to. Yoongi was always there for him and always seemed to know when he needed the silence. He curled into Yoongi's side.
The driver dropped them off in front of the dorm and waved goodbye as they drove off. As soon as the front door opened, Hoseok took off towards his room, wiping his eyes as he did so. He needed to cut. He needed it so badly. He rummaged through his dresser drawers desperately looking for his razors but soon remembered that his hyungs had taken all of his razors once they found out that he wasn't exactly shaving with them.
"SeokSeok ..."
Hoseok's head turned to see Jin standing in the open doorway, a knowing frown on his face. Unfortunately, these types of days were becoming more and more frequent.
He let Jin lead him over to the bed and sit him down. He couldn't even feel anything. It was like he had stabbed himself in the heart and he was already dead and just floating right now. He couldn't even bring himself to feel ashamed of his actions. He grabbed his blanket from the corner of his bed and wrapped it around himself, trying to cling desperately to its warmth.
"Seokie?"
No response. He only curled up tighter into the blanket.
"Have you eaten today?"
Of course he had eaten. His hyungs watched him at every single meal and they stayed with him each night until he fell asleep and they were there each morning when he woke up.
He nodded slightly with his head covered by the blanket.
"Honey, I need a verbal response."
"Yes."
Jin started to rub Hoseok's back. "That's good. I'm proud of you."
Normally, that last sentence would lift Hoseok's spirits a little bit, but there was none of that today. He was in too deep right now; he couldn't feel anything.
