This Is Why

'Mom! I need cuddles!' My sister yelled from her room.

'I'll be there in a minute!' You replied, just as loud. I continued putting the containers in the cupboard, stacking them carefully so that they wouldn't fall out when the next person opened them. Everything was a blur. You asked what I did at school earlier, but I can't seem to remember.

'This is why I send you to school? So you can go and goof off?' You asked jokingly. I knew it was a joke, but it didn't seem like it. It felt like a jab that had been especially sharpened, just for me. I shrugged before putting away the dishes.

'Sky, do the dishes so your mother can go sit down,' a low voice rumbled from upstairs.

'I am!' I yelled back. I didn't mean to sound rude, but apparently I did because, next thing I know, you're scolding me and dad's threatening to put his foot up my butt again. I ignored him, as usual, but I turned to you. You paused, looking at me with furrowed brows.

'Why are you crying?' You asked, putting the spatula in the sink and scrubbing it with the dish cloth. What? I raised my hand to my cheek and was met with a damp surface.

'I don't know,' I replied, genuinely confused.

'So, what's wrong? Is it those boys again?' You pressed, still facing away from me.

'Well, not exactly. I try to ignore them now, although it's pretty hard when they sit right next to me in class.'

'Are they still calling you things?'

I hesitated before answering. 'Yes.'

You let out a slight chuckle and said, 'Boys will be boys. I reckon they do it because they like you.'

I shut my eyes and let out a tense breath. This is the third time this fortnight that you've said that. I only told you about the name-calling because you recently heard one of them call me a bitch. You laughed and asked who he was, and when I said nobody, you chuckled and said sure. You wouldn't leave me alone about it, and when I got sick of it, I told you to stop. But you didn't, because I couldn't explain to you why I was so upset. Before I could say anything else, dad had me by the arm and took me away from the dinner table for a "disciplinary session." I still have a bruise.

But it's nothing. I've done worse to myself. But you wouldn't know. I can't really remember how it happened, just that I still have the cuts. I do remember when I used to question why people would willingly do such a thing to themselves. Crazy to think how long ago that was now.

I must've zoned out, because now you're clicking in my face to get my attention.

'Oi, what's going on in there?' You inquired, slightly tapping on my forehead. I shrugged once again.

'Just tired, I guess.'

You burst out laughing, bending over and holding your stomach from how hard you cackled. I just watched, tears flowing a bit faster as confusion overtook my mind. This is why I say I'm fine.

'Well, if you're tired then I'm exhausted! And your sister must be dead!' You wiped tears from your eyes, still giggling. I tilted my head, wanting an explanation to what you had just said.

'You're only in year ten, and you're saying that you're tired? Your sister's in year twelve and I just finished a night shift, I think we win this one!' You had a large grin on your face. Oh how I hate that patronizing look in your eyes, always mixed with a tinge of disappointment and judgement. This is when I broke. The tears streamed faster and faster as I fought to keep my breathing under control. I could barely see you, but I clearly heard the awkward clearing of your throat. I wasn't exactly thinking right, I guess I really was that tired, but I dropped my guard. Just for a minute. And that is something I will make sure to never do again.