Mind covered in poetry

Depressed

The worst part about depression is to tell people how I do feel depressed, no one understands this part
Im more than tears and suicide
I have jokes on my sleeve and beautiful smiles to gave
I can be a hurricane of emotions and at the same damn time be a monster in my mind
Where are my jokes and smiles to myself? If everyone is happy I shouldn't be worried
But I'm
I'm worried about my sanity
My heart that almost breaks every time when I look myself in the mirror
About my appearance cause I can hide my pain but my eyes won't lie and they always say the truth
Worried about many things and little details who will probably kill me in a day or two
Worried cause I would leave me if I could but i can't so I start to blame the other so they can
That's the worst part about depression
I'm not only tears and locked rooms
I'm a poetry of madness and sorrow
Caos and beauty
I'm a lot of things but none of those things