Just "Friends"

Chapter 2

At school on Monday morning Izzi acted like nothing happened. It was so frustrating because I wanted to, I needed to, question her about what happened and what it now means.

However, she was far too busy fangirling about some guy from some show that is "hot as fuck". So I, as usual, stood awkwardly, listening to music, hoping the subject would change.

"You look sad" Izzi stood up and looked worriedly at me, she was studying my face again which made me uncomfortable. A sudden urge to kiss her rushed over me, however, I knew that people were watching and it wouldn't go down well, so I decided against it.

"I'm 'kay" I told her but she wasn't convinced.

The teacher walked in and we took our seats sitting opposite ends of the room.

I was so not staring at her.

Pfft. Of course not.

But she was giggling and it was adorable. I tell her that she's adorable, but she never believes me.

The bell went for first lesson, everyone grabbed their bags and began walking to their lessons. I walked arm in arm with Izzi to our english class and, when we walked into the room, asked if I could sit next to her.

"Of course you can sit here, you don't have to ask you know."

"Yeah, but I like making sure, there are probably other people you would rather sit with," I explained but she then claimed that she wouldn't want to sit next to anybody else. Of course, I didn't believe her.

We slowly got through lesson after lesson and I still hadn't talked about the kiss. It was just never the right timing. I was too nervous, however I'd never admit it. There were always other people around, or the room was too quiet, or she was too busy, or something else. I continued to reason with myself but still made excuses to why I shouldn't go and mention it.

Lunch came and, luckily -or unluckily- all of our other friends had clubs to go to, book club, netball, who knows what else.

So it was just me and Izzi, she refused to eat unless I did and, after a long time of me complaining how unfair and manipulative she was being, I gave in and got something to eat and made her eat too.

We then decided to walk down to the field and sit in the sun, we sat beside each other and it was finally my opportunity to talk about us, about what we were, what we are, and what we will be. Talk about everything.

"So, umm, Izzi," I am such an awkward person.

"Yeah"

"Can I just ask, what are we?" I questioned and held my breath and the world slowed down and she fell silent for what felt like forever but in reality was a moment.

"You're my best friend, and I love you," she said, "-just not like that"

If people's hearts could die while we are still alive, then mine just did. My whole body froze, a numbness surrounded me and my shaky hands, which had been warm, drained of heat until feeling ice cold.

I snapped back into reality but still was surrounded by an overwhelming emptiness, "okay" the one word took all the energy left in my body to say, and I still stuttered trying to speak at all, my mouth was dry.

My heart, which had felt like it stopped, now was beating fast. Very fast. My hands were shaking more than before. My body went stiff and my head felt heavy. A shouting in my head told me to run.

The easiest way to avoid any more awkwardness was to run, leave the conversation, just go. Run.

A group of people came up to us and began to talk to Izzi, while my head was somewhere else completely.

The voices in my head still were screaming to run and I couldn't take it anymore. I got up, ran to the woods, leaving everyone behind, not stopping to see if anyone followed.

I ran, jumped over branches, stormed through puddles, and climbed out of a ditch.

Then I stopped. I couldn't see anybody around. I was alone. Quiet surrounded me but I was far from peace, my breathing was still fast.

I leaned against a tree and tried to slow my breath. I realised I had no idea where I was anymore, but there was a bad feeling in the air. 

I heard noises in the bushes that suddenly disappeared and reappeared in different directions. Shadows flew across the skies and in between the branches and dead leaves.

I heard running, loud breathing, from the way I came from, I think.

The panting and loudness of each fast step breaking twigs on the ground came closer and closer until a familiar face was revealed from behing the trees.

Izzi had followed me through to woods, I could have sworn nobody had followed. I cursed my recklessness under my breath.

"Hey!" Izzi called over, "what the fu-"

"I'm sorry" I interrupted her before she had a chance to get annoyed at me, "I didn't mean to run.. Just, I just, I panicked, you know what it's like."

I looked down at my feet and noticed she stepped closer.

"It's okay, just please don't take off on me like that, what's up?"

My breath got caught in my throat as I considered how to explain the madness in my mind. Silence fell upon the two of us when she spoke again.

"Can we at least get out of here, I have a bad feeling about this place."

I nodded, I understood exactly what she meant by the 'bad feeling' the air felt heavy with secrets and the sunlight was blocked by layers of trees leaving us in darkness. We both shivered in sync, the kind of shiver not because you're cold but it's like some spirit just walked through you.

We looked at eachother and she led out of the woods, I remained frozen still for a moment, not wanting to leave the mysterious place that drew me in with curiosity.

I dismissed my temptations to run again, or to stay in the darkness of this part of the woods, and I followed behind Izzi in silence being hit by branches every few moments as she brushed past them.

We eventually got back to school, obviously Izzi had payed more attention to which way I'd ran than I did.

We walked, still in silence, to our maths lesson and entered the room merely 5 minutes late as we both apologised to the teacher and took our seats next to eachother.

"Why did you run?" Izzi broke the silence between us as we began to do work from the textbook.

I paused a moment before answering, "Because I'm not good with groups of people and those girls were coming over and, and-"

I stopped, Izzi knew the real reason I ran was because I panicked. She also knew I'd panicked because of the disappointing answer she gave me when I'd had my hopes up.

I turned to look at Izzi and her gaze met mine, I was about to apologise but she interrupted knowing what I was going to say, "It's okay, I understand, I'm sorry."

The teacher broke the moment between me and Izzi looking deeply into each other's eyes and we were told to go back to work.

"Can we forget today happened?" I whispered to Izzi.

"Okay."