Hopamandar

Chapter one-Hopay

I've never really been into older dudes with little moustaches but there's  something different about Salamandar. I could watch his lives from start to finish, in both senses. From an alt account of course. I leave after a few minutes on my main account so that neither Apple or Tamara would get suspicious but I could stare at that sexy, perfect face for hours and never get bored. I would love to stare at in person. To play with his dark, curly locks of hair. To hold his face in my hands  and be cut by his sharp jawline. To feel his lips on my neck and his eyes on my bare skin. I wan't him to be my good boy but the only thing that Salamandar knows about me is the fact that i'm friends with Tamara and know Apple. Yet, he knows every last detail about Harley. Her siblings names, her passion for sports, how comforting his lives are to her, her birthday, her shoe size,her age of eighteen. Every. Last. Damn. Detail. He's completely oblivious to my being  an only child, hate of sports , how comforting his lives are to me, my birthday,my shoe size, my age of fourteen. Not. A. Single.Detail. 

I knew it was a bad idea but what else was i supposed to do?  There was no chance he was gonna go for a fourteen year old such as myself.  I'm not being over-dramatic when i say, i needed him and was desperate. I couldn't stand the thought of him being with anyone else and had to ensure that didn't happen. All i have to do now is simply hope  that  he's not a cheater. That would just fuck up everything. 

Buzz Buzz

I look down at my vibrating phone and stare ,for at least three minutes, at the notification sitting there taunting me as a wave of disgust washes over me like a tidal wave. The name alone snaps me back to reality. What the fuck am i doing? I ain't no Harley, i'm Hopay. My good boy isn't  Salamandar , it's Fishermen. It doesn't matter how much i long for it to be Salamandar. He's in love with everything i'm not. The opposite of who i am in fact. If only my parents shagged a couple years earlier, maybe things would be different. I don't give a damn about anything that would be altered, as long as i got to be with him without all these god damn obstacles and complications.

 It's kind of ironic how i'm sat in my room wishing  that things would be different between us while he's probably out somewhere thinking my name is Hazel or something. Never mind , not a single thought of me would be crossing his mind at all. I catch a glimpse of myself in my mirror. Look at you, looking all cute and cuddly sat there cosily in a koala onesie. I feel like an idiot. Nobody's here and yet i feel humiliated. I grip my onesie tight in my fists and attempt to tear it off , grinch style. My dignity get's drop-kicked out through the window and into a pile of dog shit when i fail to make even the tiniest tear. Dude what the fuck universe, you couldn't even let me have that hmm? To be completely honest, i'm grateful it didn't rip; it's the priciest and fluffiest one i have. 

Buzz Buzz

Buzz Buzz

Buzz Buzz

My god, would my phone shut the fuck up for two seconds? Two hundred and thirty four messages? Of course, all from the group chat. I internally block out the one sent by Fishermen earlier and jump a little when teen wolf starts playing again. I didn't even realise it stopped. Internet maybe? How long did it cut out for? I scroll up to the earliest unread message sent by the group chat thirty-five minutes ago. Bro. Iv'e been sat on that bed thinking for thirty-five minutes? As i'm updating myself on the messages, i get yet another notification. This time from tiktok. 

"Salamandar is live, go check it out!" 

Relief washes over me knowing that i can finally feel relaxed for the first time in two days as i switch to my alt account. 

My alt account, "@harleyjenkins"