A detective's journal

First love

Day 201

I never thought this void could get any more empty, the sound of paint dripping from each corner the only thing engulfing the room. How can it be? How is that I have this gaping hole within my nonexistent soul, I'm used to being alone aren't I?

I suppose once you know what it's like to have something, reliving a world without it just isn't the same. How cruel he is to leave me here. The audacity.

He was everything. He have known every bit of me, we discovered it together, waste time together, thought me all I know. It's only fair I'de want to know him as well right??
I'm vulrnable for him to look at and study, why can't I do the same for him?
From his surface to the very gaps between his bones, I must look, I must study, the story behind you was so infatuating why can't you see I couldn't help but be engrossed you??

Don't you want to be vulrnable together? See each other's every move, what we touch, the very floor we step on, our breath, claim it as ours! can we not??
It's not possessive if you can do the same for me right?! My body, my words, thoughts, life is all yours to have!! In return of yours.
Oh wouldn't that just be so romantic?

Is that so hard to ask of him?
When he already got not only a glimpse but a grand display of me?! IT'S UNFAIR, UNFAIR, UNFAIR, UNFAIR!!! HE DARES shame me for being so full of LOVE.

It's his fault for being oh so... Magnetizing.

...

It's his lost.
It's his decision for abandoning me.
I'm no fool to try and get him back, hah! He wish, I'll erase every image of him, from the things he has thought me to my very face.
I may be full of love, but I am not desperate to drag someone that would do such thing to me, back.

...I despise the fact I miss him. The memories still as bright as this white void, I'll never be able to forget it no matter how much knowledge and new memories I gain.

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Ink. I hate that I see you in the mirror.