𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬 - 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒗

1

I remember the first time. The first time I cried in the bathroom. The first time I questioned my personality and everything around me. Never thought I would ever come back to those memories but one thought made me rethink everything again. Shouldn't I be looking forward now? To the fact that everythings gonna get "better"? Merlin, yes, I should be. I wish the people around me could stop acting like the war didn't affect any of us, because it did more than we can ever imagine. Now who would've thought that I was here, crying in front of the mirror again.

The salty taste of my tears running down my face as the tears drop on my arm and mix with the fresh blood. How many times Ive had to taste it in the last months? And while im thinking about the last months, i kinda wish i never entered this part of my thoughts. The burning pain on my arms brings me back to reality and I gasp for air. I've tried everything to get rid of it and I genuinely mean everything. During the war I tried my best to cover it up as much as possible and the cuts on and around it. If I wouldn't have done that, the golden trio would've splitten up so much earlier, probably the same day as when the dark lord managed to give me the dark mark.

How the golden trio split up? Well... It all started when Voldemort- or should I say the one who must not be named, started calling me with the dark mark. At first I didn't take it serious, but soon enough the chosen one and the weasel noticed how fast my behaviour was changing. Not even after all the occlumency lessons I've had with professor snape I could focus on continuing to live my life. I've spend hours in the library trying to find out how to get rid of it with spells and without noticing I started going insane. The weasel thought it was his place to check on me but I'm sure he regrets that until today, since I cursed him out of the library after having the dark lord call for me again. Days turned into weeks and I started to try cutting the dark mark out of my skin. I skipped almost every lunch and started to regret every single day that I was back in Hogwarts, redoing my 7th year. Distancing myself from the duo was pretty easy, until one day they caught me screaming and scratching the walls because I felt like I was hearing Voldemort in the walls. Not even after Harrys Silencio I could stop sobbing.

To my surprise I wasn't the only one with the dark mark in Hogwarts.
I hadn't seen Malfoy in a while, until he caught me trying to kill myself im the abandoned bathroom.

I remember every single one of his words. " granger what are you doing? WHY ARE YOU BLEEDING ALL OVER THE BATHROOM FLOOR?" He yelled at me while I was just laying on the ground and accepting my faith as I whispered to him to crucio the shit out of me until I don't have to feel the lords calls anymore. That was also the moment I passed out. How funny, I don't remember how all my wounds were healed afterwards but I remember exactly Malfoys face when he saw my dark mark. The shock and disappointment in his eyes, and one single tear as he read the word mudblood right over the mark.