inferno | 18+

XXX

"You said you loved me with your
knife pressed against my throat."
- i.m.

DEVINA

My breathing is so heavy, it's starting to hurt my lungs. I have to pee a lot. My eyes keep fluttering closed, but I catch myself at the last second, making sure I stay awake. I have to stay awake, or else they will kill me. The gun in my hand is so excruciatingly heavy. My wrist is aching from the weight of holding it all night. It's aimed at the closet.

I feel crazy. Like I'm actually starting to go insane. It isn't a pleasant feeling. A knock. One hard knock on my locked bedroom door seems to be enough for me to wake up. I freeze and wait for a voice to sound. Pilgrim's voice. Rudra'a voice.

"Angel, you there?"

My eyes go wide, and I search my room for the clock that's in my room. It's 12pm. Zakaria and I have a session now - it occurs to me that he must have let himself in. How does he have a key to my house? Another knock. I slowly let the gun down from its held aim, and wrap my hands around my ears, bringing my knees into my stomach.

He's not real. He's not here.
He's not real.He's not here.
He's not real. He's not here.
He's not real. He's not here.
He's not real. He's not here.
He's not real. He's not here.
He's not real. He's not here.

Another knock. I think I'm moving back and forth now. I've been hearing knocks all night. Sounds. Whispers. Cries. Wrath. It's everywhere. It's dripping from my hands, onto my white carpet, up against the walls.

Eyes. There's eyes on me all the time. Everywhere. Anytime. All the time. Another knock. I think I start rocking more. "Devina?" There's concern laced to his vocal cords.

He's not real. He's not here.

He's not real.He's not here.He's not real. He's not here.He's not real. He's not here.He's not real. He's not here.
He's not real. He's not here.
He's not real. He's not here.

Leave me alone, I scream at the voices.

"Devina, it's me."

Leave me alone, I scream at the voices.

"I can hear your breathing, angel. Let me in."

Leave me alone, I scream at the voices.

"Baby please."

The sound is so tender. So soft. So careful. So lovely.

Another knock.

My eyes go to the clock. To the moving second hand. Tik tok tik tok tik tok tik tok tik tok.

A full minute has gone by.

I'm on my feet. I don't know when I told my feet to bring me up from the bed, but I'm on my feet. Is this the end for me? I look at the mirror - the girl that's looking back at me has circles under her eyes. She looks so tired of life; of people; of herself. Her hair is unbrushed. The silk she's wearing is wrinkled.

She smiles at me. She smiles at me. She smiles at me. She smiles at me.

Shesmiles
atme.

My heart is in my throat beating so loudly against me, I have to bring my hands on my ears again. It's beating so loudly, I scream. Leave me alone, I scream at the voices. But my voice is broken. I'm broken beyond repair and I can't tell the girl that's looking back at me to stop smiling at me I can't tell her to leave me alone I can't tell her how sorry I am and that I didn't mean to hurt him and she just continues to smile at me she smiles smiles smiles-