Who he used to be

Chapter 1

“Why? I’ve always been the one by your side for the past four fucking years. I supported you in your startup when no one else did. You won’t have been able to achieve all that you have without me and you know that. I’ve always loved you even though you’re an asshole who changes girlfriends every week. Yet you won’t give me a chance? I know you well so… maybe we could make things work? I feel so desperate saying all this but I just can’t keep my feelings to myself anymore (voice breaking) I … just..can’t see you going around dating new girls every now and then.”
After a long minute of silence Harsh spoke. “Vamika I can’t. You are a gem. You deserve to be loved. Any girl like you deserves a gentleman not an asshole like me. You know I date for fun. I just don’t have it in me to fall in love…. ever again.”

“I don’t care who I deserve. It’s you who I love. only YOU. You silly dumbfuck.” said Vamika.
“Wait … what did you mean by again? So, you’re telling me the campus heartthrob, Harsh Shukla, known for being a playboy, had ever loved a girl? Who are you? Do I even know you?”

“Yes. She was like a beam of sunlight in my dull days. Just her smile was enough to make my day. I know you’re not used to me simping over a girl and saying cringey things like this. So let’s just end this conversation and head to class or we’re gonna be late” said Harsh to avoid making things more awkward than they already were.

Even in class, Harsh was still thinking about the conversation he just had. His head was spinning. “How can my bestfriend have feelings for me. I hope she was just pranking me. But the way she confessed doesn’t seem like a joke though… ahhh what should I do now? I want the earth to open up and swallow me right now.” thought Harsh to himself. Then he was hit by a wave of memories of HER, his first ever love. He was so distracted that he didn’t even notice the sound of bell ringing.

“Harsh. HARSH?” Vamika called out as Harsh sat there dazed. Harsh snapped out of his thoughts and heard Vamika was saying “I need to talk to you. let’s talk over lunch at the Rizzbees because I’m hungry as fuck.” “No I have some things to attend to today. Let’s talk tomorrow.” Said Harsh and hurried off ignoring Vamika’s protests.

“Just as I had expected. This is why I never had the courage to confess before. Why did I have to ruin our friendship like that? I fucked up really bad this time.” Vamika murmured to herself.

Harsh reached home tired from the day’s drama and went in to take a shower. He was so exhausted that he fell asleep with just a towel on. His body, with the six pack abs and perfectly tanned skin with droplets of water on his body shining upon hitting the sunlight through the window, looked like that of a Greek god. This most definitely isn’t an exaggeration.

About three hours later, Harsh woke up to seventeen missed calls and over thirty texts from Vamika. Harsh was still not sure about how to fix the situation with her besides he was busy thinking about the dream he just had. As he was still laying on his bed with his hands crossed under his head and still in the towel, his eyes fell upon a dusty brown velvety box above his old books in right corner of the shelf. He stared at it for quite sometime before getting up from bed and bringing it down the shelf.

The box had the name Shreya written on it with hearts drawn all around it. Yes, Shreya, she was Harsh’s first love. Inside the box there were handwritten letters, dried up flowers, an old chocolate wrapper, a used up perfume bottle and an old diary. These were all the gifts and things which brought back memories of their time together. Harsh regarded those 3 months with Shreya as the most cherished times of his entire life. Harsh then brought out the diary intending to read it but then his aching stomach didn’t let him. He glanced at the clock, “3:46 already? What the…. I barely had two slices of bread this morning. Let me order some food first.”

As soon as he finished eating, Harsh practically sprinted back to his room to read his diary. It was just before the dusshera holidays of 2016 when Harsh started writing this diary as a way to relieve the ‘stress’ of his upcoming class 10 board examination but also secretly to share his feelings about a huge fat crush he had on a classmate.
Harsh turned to the first page of the diary, it read as…

Dear diary, October 17 2016, 9:48pm
You won’t believe what happened at school today!!!
Shreya actually spoke to me. Yes, the SHREYA, that I’ve had a crush on for a year now but never had the guts to even say hi to :/ it isn’t much but she said, “hey harsh, can I borrow a pen? Mine ran out of ink.”  Yeah yeah she just asked me for a pen. I know, I made it sound like such a big deal. But it is a big deal for me. Atleast she knows my name:) and that’s enough to make my day. By the way I forgot about another important matter though. I really don’t understand why the school hates us so much as to announce the half yearly results right before the pooja holidays. I barely managed to pass in science and got average marks in maths. Now I can’t enjoy my holidays without having my parents at my back fussing about my studies and seriousness about the board examinations. Okay let’s worry about that later. I’m going to play League of Warriors for now. Byee.

“Was I that much of an idiot to get so exhilarated just because she spoke to me?? Gosh I was such a pushover back then. She would never in a million years have thought I would have such a glow up. No, I’m not being a narcissist, I’m just spitting facts and everyone who know me would agree. I wonder if she would recognize me if she saw ….” Harsh was saying when Tanya interrupted saying, “What the fuck are you doing in those towels. Put on some clothes for god’s sake.” Harsh had been speaking to himself not realizing his little sister, Tanya, was standing at the door listening to whatever the fuck he just said. Harsh turned around feeling flustered and while putting on some shorts he said “Can’t you atleast knock before entering. Geez give me some privacy.” “I won’t have been able to hear your stupid talks if had knocked. Besides Who is the ‘she’ you were talking about? I didn’t know that the ice-cold heartless jerk of NIYS university was actually capable of falling in love. you know because of you even I have a bad reputation at the uni. Why did I have to choose the same university as you?” Harsh tried to ignore the question about Shreya and covered it up by saying, “You were the one who insisted on joining NIYS saying it was well known for architecture courses, has a ragging free environment and that the cafeteria food was really good with wide ranging cuisines. I tried convincing you otherwise but you didn’t listen. Now, don’t blame me for your mistakes.” “I wasn’t wrong about NIYS. My uni life would have been perfect if it wasn’t for you. Since you are already a piece of shit, why do you keep interfering in my business and scaring away the guys I like?” “Wait, I won’t deny you are pretty good at changing subjects huhh? Now tell me who she is? Who managed to melt your heart of stone?” Harsh was contemplating about what to tell her when Tanya noticed the dusty diary in Harsh’s hand. She tried to reach for it but Harsh stood up holding the diary in his hands in the air. He knew his tiny sister won’t be able to reach his hand. Harsh was quite tall about 6’3 feet and a state level basketball player while his sister was barely 5’2. Tanya tried to reach his hand by using her usual method of tickling but failed. Harsh got annoyed, “I can’t deal with you right now. I’ve already had a pretty messed up day today.” then picked her up with the edge of her hoodie and took her out of the room and locked himself back in his room. “Gosh, why did mom have to rent this apartment for the two of us. I’d rather stay in smaller hostel rooms with a terrible mess food than with this brat.” Harsh murmured.

Harsh was about to start reading the diary again when his phone started ringing. “Who the hell is it now?” Harsh thought to himself as he went to check his phone. It was Shreyansh, his best bud from uni. They met for the first time at the university and instantly clicked. It was like they went from strangers to bestfriends. Nothing in between. Harsh picked up the call annoyed at being interrupted once again, “What is it? Don’t tell me you need me to help you act gay to get rid of another one of your girlfriends. I’m over with this shit.” Shreyansh said, “Would you atleast let me speak first? What’s up with you and Vamika? She called me crying a few hours ago. I miss uni one day and you get yourself in a mess already.” “Ahh I really don’t know, I’m pretty confused myself. You mind going out for a play and we talk?” Harsh told Shreyansh.
“Yeah that would be good. Let’s meet at the basketball court at 6.” “Okay. bye”