SECOND CHANCE

00

Felix's pov

I looked through the phone seen as my nerves starts getting tightened, my eyes shimmers with water which never came down. I should be happy and proud of them but I am here feeling jealous and useless in every way possible. I wish I would have tried more, I wish I can overcome my mistakes. No, it would have been even better if I was just born in Korea.  

I looked back at the music video. They just debuted without me in the team even Minho Hyung got a chance did they choose him over me? Who wouldn't, considering how useless I am? Minho Hyung deserves be there  and I don't that is why I am here. But for how long I would be able to hold on those words now which left me behind way back.

"I won't leave you behind" But you did you broke the promise Hyung. 

My mouth opened to let forth a sob, but nothing came out. Those memories just starts coming back. We were happy together. Stray kids was always 8 but why I only see 7 now. Did they leave me behind or maybe I was not able to walk as fast as them.

I ran into my room and locked the door. My chest was feeling heavy and I start remembering the past weeks.

It was good at first I always talked to them I used to meet with Minho Hyung too. However, the day eventually arrived when Minho rejoined the group. I was heartbroken but they comfort me. Maybe I still had hope that I listened to them. But things quickly got much worse, and I started to feel alone when nobody could even find a few minutes each day to chat with me.

"Chan Hyung. Can we meet today?" I asked and there was a long silence. It was the first time that Chan Hyung take so much time to reply to my question. He was always so happy to hang out with me everyone was. 

"Sorry Felix I cant I have to work on the debut can you ask someone else?" Chan said without hesitation it hurts but I tried to be happy for them. 

I did try but soon I failed. 

Every day I got rejected and the reason was the same they were busy of course they were after all they were working there and I was just a disturbance. First it was rejecting but then it gets to a time when everyone even stop responding to me. I felt neglected. Was he overreacting? But did not they said that they will always be there then why can't I see them?

As my breath struggles to come back, memories begin to flood back. Looking at the painkillers, I decide to consume one. It was satisfying, so I had another and continued eating until it was completely gone. My mind went blank, and I was left feeling only guilty about not making it as I laid in bed and stared up at the ceiling.

I woke up late at the night. The tv was playing loud and even with my head paining like hell I exactly knew what was playing. It was the song made by my mem- ex members. I knew that the song was blockbuster I knew it since I first heard it. No doubt it was good I just wish I was there. 

I move out of the room to the living room following the sound. The Tv was playing loud and there they were dancing to Miroh. As I watched them, tears sparkled in my eyes; half of me was truly thrilled for them, while the other was sobbing at failure.

The Tv was closed as soon as I enter the room and I knew that my family saw me. "Dinner is ready," Olivia remarked, guiding me as if I were a newborn toward the table. "I made your favorite dish." said my mother. I knew that my attempt to mimic a smile had failed. "I am not hungry." I wasn't lying; the meal in front of me makes me sick just by looking at it.

"But you have not eaten for a long time." My Mom replied back. "I did I went to the pizza store close by when no one was here and I am so full rn." I lied. Despite their initial suspicions, they all agreed eventually. 

I got up and moved into my room, which is the best place for me these days. I locked the door and open my phone I directly went to twitter and Skz was trending at the top. I sulk and fling my phone onto the bed, wondering why they are everywhere.

And my thoughts were back I was unable to think clearly. While those painkillers may have helped me at the time, they now have fucking side effects. It felt like someone shoved my head into a wall.

Being done with the pain I took the sleeping pills my mom eats everyday. The doctor advised me to give them to her rather than consume them myself, but I had to get the job done. Either I sleep or I simply die. I took some pills and it did not feel good so I look at the bottle it was not much and who I am to resist. After taking the bottle and all the pills into my palm, I took them all without thinking and it felt good—possibly because this would only make my suffering go away. Eventually, a tear came out of my eye and I felt free from everything.

"I wish, I wish the present was different. I wish I was with them in the team. I hope I could show everyone that I am not a failure. I wish I could have a second chance."

And with that, I drop to the ground. Would it be any different the next time I woke up? I sigh; I wasn't even sure if I would wake up at all.