Juniper Blue (NaNoWriMo2023; manxman)

Chapter 14

Gabriel

For the next few days, the depression I experienced during the Cole drama and events that led to my move to Maine resurfaced. Juniper was hoping I'd say 'I love you.' He was feeling me out before he said it--and, he was right: he didn't tell me he loved me, not in those exact words, but he alluded to it. I did nothing but make him feel bad, to the point that he didn't want to be in the same room as me.

I hadn't spoken to Juniper in three days and Thanksgiving was tomorrow. I texted him and called him with no response. I had never felt so empty and so stupid. Work kept me sane. It saved me from drowning into the depths of despair while avoiding and acknowledging my feelings.

On my way out the door at three in the afternoon, ready for another lengthy shift, I accepted a call from my mother, even though I planned on calling my parents tomorrow. "Hi, Mom," I said.

"Well, hello! How are you, Gabriel? I can't believe you answered your phone! Why haven't you called your mother? You think because you're a fancy, rich doctor you're too good to call your own mother? You should move closer to home. Why do you have to live so far away?"

"Oye vey, Ma, I'm not a rich, fancy doctor. I'm heading to work right now. How are you and Dad?"

"Oh," she sighed. "I'm thinking about retiring."

My mother loved her job. She'd been at the same job for twenty years. "Why now? You're only fifty-eight. I thought you planned on working for another ten years."

"Yeah, well, you know that virus there... um... well, you know... it took a toll on us. I just don't think I can do it anymore."

"You mean COVID? Yeah, we made it through, and we keep on going. That's all we can do."

"I know. I just don't think I can do it anymore. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately... your father and I. I'm sorry for pressuring you to get married and have kids. You're a grown man and you've accomplished so much for your age. If you want to remain free and childless, that is totally your prerogative."

Free and childless? Her comments disturbed me. She didn't sound like herself. Maybe she was saying what she thought I wanted her to say so I'd move back to Brooklyn.

"And we're proud of you," she continued. "We never say that enough."

"What's going on, Ma? You've begged me for grandkids since I graduated from med school. And who knows? Maybe there's still hope for me."

"It's not about what I want, although I wish you were closer to home."

"Is Dad there? I'd like to talk to him," I said. I didn't have much time to talk, but I needed to find out what was going on.

"He's not here right now. It'd be nice if you made time to come see your parents. We're not getting any younger, you know."

"I'll be up in a few weeks. Tell Dad to give me a call. I'll be at work until five in the morning, so we'll talk tomorrow."

"I wish you wouldn't work so much. You'll work yourself to death."

"I'm fine. I gotta go. Love ya."

If Juniper was talking to me, I would have called him. Even though he talked a lot, he was a good listener and he would have helped process the conversation I just had with my mother. He'd probably reassure me that nothing was wrong and also guilt-trip me into seeing my parents more often. My urge to have this type of conversation with Juniper indicated he was way more than a 'boy toy' and a 'fuck.' We'd only known each for a short time, but I started to think of him as my other half. As an Ivy League educated physician, there was an arrogant, cocky side of me that never sought advice or guidance from anyone, especially the men I dated, no matter how much I thought I loved them. As I'd said over and over, Juniper was different. I sought his advice. I respected his opinions.