how do you say it? how do you make a guy talk to you. you guys make it look simple, easy, but to me it isn't. so we're kind of sitting in the skate park and shea is talking to randoms like its a natural thing to do. well for me it isn't. i mean everyone can do it, but i can't. i probably wouldn't have got the courage to talk to these 4 jerks, but im one of them too, or am i? i often think to myself, are they really my friends? am i really theirs? well whatever it is, i leave it aside until i remember to think about it again. the important thing is, today were doing a sayonce, i'm afraid that i'll muck things up. firstly, for the first time ever my mums letting my abnoxiously annoying friends stay over at my house, and secondly, were having a sayonce! and yeah, when you mix those two together, either my mum will ban me from ever seeing my friends again, or my mum will join in, and tell scary stories, and i'll block my ears and be too scared to listen, moaning the whole time, then everyone will laugh at me, and think that i act like a baby, when in fact i have to be very mature for my age. not only because my mum is a very bad role model, or because i have to look after my brother, or because i've had a really tough and long life, and missed out on all the happy moments of life, only getting the downs, and not only because i lived with my grandparents for three years. its because every time i try to do something, i never get the credit, and when i don't then my mum shames me, i get really pissed off. sometimes i wish i could just coil up and die. anyway, back to the story. shea told me she'd been having really weird dreams, about an angel, and a coffin and a tree, it was really weird and i can't explain it. she said that there were five girls in a circle with a star, but then it turned out there was a boy and four girls. someone intruded the sayonce that they were doing, and then angel came and everyone dissapeared. secretly i wanted to do the sayonce. you see we just moved into a house, and theres a tree at the front, the only tree we have, and theres this huge circle at the back, i don't know why but i just want to disappear! i want to see it happen. i know im dumb, mean, whatever, but i just wish that it would happen, ok? back to the story again, geez i get carried away. so now were walking to my mums rest aurant, if you ask me, i think its a junkyard, cause theres always rubbish around, and my brothers toys. finally, we have some dinner, then go home. when we arrive there, guess what weird idea they have? lets go for a walk into a school, and oh i don't know mow our names on the lawn. thats not what they really said, but it would be weird, and cool, mowing your name on the lawn, but not for me, since im the only girl in the eight schools ive been to, with the boring name of deborah, i mean no one has that name! no one! so yeah, they dragged me for a walk to the school, and guess what? the gates locked! duh, who would leave their gate open so you could mow their lawns fore them? just saying. so we walk all they way home, and now they finally do a sayonce, cause im begging them too. then i look at alex, and for some reason i get spooked, i remember going to dona's house, and alex was telling scary stories, and i don;t know, i just got spooked, i'm not trying to be mean or anything, but i looked around, and they all looked spooky, like they were different people, not my friends, but strange people from another dimension. like their from angels dimension, and my friends are trapped in another world. i know i sound stupid, thats because i am. shea tells me not to put myself down, but i ain't putting myself down, thats for sures ! so yeah im just gonna write random stuf until i come up with something wlse to write. so far i think im doing pretty good. now im thinking, what if, on that day, we did a proper sayonce, and like in sheas dream someone did interupt it? and we did disappear? like in killian curse? what if instead of me chickening out, ruining everyones happy ime and sending everyone to depression, we had an adventure that made us actually believe in something being real, instead of just imagining it, so for the last time, lets imagine i went back in time, and restarted from the paragraph when we were doing the sayonce...
