I don't mind

Once again -in the middle of the silence- I find myself on my knees with my arms wrapped around my body, against the cold and dirty floor, the tears coming out of my exhausted eyes making it shine in a way you would not expect for a floor this dusty. The only thing keeping me company are my nostalgic memories of you telling me all this kind words just so you can leave and break my heart like every other day.

Sometimes I wonder if you are aroused by it. If you really are, I don't mind.

With a notification from my phone, I jump out of my blank state of mind and rush to the sound, only to see what I should have expected: A text, a text from you telling me you'll be home late.

It's rather obvious what you mean by that. Actually so obvious that you know I know, but you still try and keep it like is a secret, as if it's worth the effort to hide it from me. You know, I don't really mind.

This house used to be a home for both of us, our dreams, our laughter, our love, but it is now in eternal silence, the floor always a mess, with some white dust all over the floor, you love that dust more than me, but to be honest I don't mind, anything is easily more love-worthy than the mess I have become myself.

I sit in the dark of the living room, wondering if you were ever happy with me, but it doesn't matter because I know you need me now, at least from time to time, those are moments when I feel like your whole world and I know you -at least for a brief moment- feel the same. However, after I have sobbed with and for you for all night straight, you seem to forget the vulnerability you showed me and come back to your normal self, your tough self and leave me behind once again.

I can see the moon from here, you know? I actually almost feel the loneliness, coldness but also brightness of it. I sometimes feel like the moon; pretty, even when in the darkest of moments. You even say that to me.

Back in the old days, you used to say things like that when I had a rough day, now you say it almost always -when you care enough to have a glance at me-. But I don't mind much, I love that kind of lovely side of yours.

You know? I really mean it every time I say to you what I love, what I like and what I appreciate about you. Even the slightest touch of you makes me feel especial, because -you tell me- how many others you treat with such ugliness but kindness at the same time, who else you call pretty when they cry. I have the answer.

No one. You want to know how I know? Because no one would ever love you so much that they pour tears for you to be aroused. Doesn't matter how many people on earth, no one would, besides me.

I sometimes have this dream, memory or daydream that I always did that only for you, since we started talking I felt the need to please you. I just couldn't go back to being alone around the same dust and darkness from before you appeared. This is better, I have you.

I don't regret this.

I don't mind anything as long as you are there, somewhere in my life.

- meowgogh
you should mind! ;)