2.
"Tu mera rog, tu hi dawa"
Asad
Nausea swarmed my senses as I forced my body into consciousness. There was a static beeping to my left and numbness to my right.
A heavy presence sat on my ribs and made every breath a piece of sharded glass.
I found myself fighting a similar fight of keeping my eyes open, my head above water so I don't drown.
It was a little easier this time. They eventually opened wide and invited bright lights, pale white sickly walls and faces of the only people I loved in this life.
"Ammi" I tried to voice but no sound came out.
"Shh now, I am here. No need to say anything. Sab thik hai, main thik hu, Najma, Zoya, ham sab thik hai Asad."
A name from her sentence caught my breath and attention.
"Zoya" I whispered.
It wasn't a soft whisper, nor was it filled with concern. Her name filled my veins with unbrewed anger and frustration. And sadness. Intense sadness.
Because I knew she had tested my last nerve, because I knew a decision had to be made.
I closed my eyes again. The weight on them pressed for darkness. But the darkness wasn't comforting, instead it was confining. Claustrophobic.
"Asad?" I heard Ammi say "Lagta hai phir behosh hogaya."
How many times did we play this game, I wondered.
I exhausted all my efforts to not play it this time.
"Ammi, look" I heard tamatar exclaim.
"Asad, can you hear me beta?"
I tried to nod my head unsuccessfully. I blinked a slow blink instead. I could hear a sigh of relief from both the ladies.
"I'll go get the doctor." Ammi nodded, indicating a yes to Najma.
"Where is she?" I muttered, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.
"Asad" her voice careful.
"I need her gone; she almost killed" I winced with pain resurfacing from breathing "us."
"I almost killed us" Ammi said, her voice laced with shame and regret. She hurried to get the words out as if she taking a huge load off her shoulders.
But before I could make sense of anything, the blanket of darkness enveloped me again.
.
.
.
The hushed voices were indistinct, almost as if there was a wall between me and the rest of the world. I could feel the pulsing of blood in my neck. The noises grew louder and closer as my eyes took in the room one more time.
"He's up. Ammi, jaldi ayie. Zoya, doctor"
"Yeah, on it"
I heard receding footsteps as my psyche became more and more aware of where I was.
I remembered the gunshot, the blood, panic, doctors with masks, Ammi's face and her last words.
I almost killed us...
***
She stood in the far corner of the room as the doctor checked me over. I was fully awake now, sitting upright on the bed. Her expression cracked.
