"For once in my life, I hated falling in love."
That was the exact sentence I put on my status on my social media account upon ending my last relationship with him. Not because I regret it but I was just so in pain that I wanted to restart my life.
Napatingin ako sa old photo namin ni Ares na nasa bedside table ko na siyang bumungad sa akin nang pumasok ako sa aking silid. Kakarating ko lang mula sa party dahil birthday ng kaibigan kong si Zia. Hindi ko akaling aabutin ako ng hating gabi. Bilang isang lalaki na sa tingin ko ay legal age na, hindi parin talaga ako pinapayagan ni mama na mag party sa ganitong oras lalo na't malayo ang resort o venue ng party ni Isiah pero minsan lang naman at matalik kong kaibigan si Isiah kaya paniguradong magtatampo iyon kapag hindi ako sumipot sa mismong kaarawan niya.
It was already 12:02 AM and yet I never felt like sleeping. Hindi naman ako uminom, siguro dama pa ng katawan ko ang lamig ng tubig bagama't hirap na akong matulog lalo na't sinasabayan pa ito ng aking insomnia. Buti nagbihis na ako kanina sa resort kaya ready na akong matulog, ayaw lang talaga makisama ng aking mga mata kaya lilibangin ko muna sarili ko.
Kinuha ko na lang ang photo naka frame mula sa bedside table ko na kanina ko pa pinagmamasdan.
I smiled bitterly.
Punong puno itong ng memories at hindi ko pa ito kayang itapon o itago. Ito na lang kasi ang meron ako, kahit na minsan ay bumabalik sa akin ang sakit ng aking naramdaman ay pinili ko paring i-keep itong larawan namin.
It was a photo of me and Gavin, standing at the center of the big Instagram frame. That happened during our school fair. He was hugging me in that picture which I love about him. He is always this clingy when I'm around.
To be honest, falling in love again was one of the unexpected things that happened to me. Ni hindi sumagi sa isip ko mahuhulog ako sa taong siya ring magiging dahilan para ako'y matakot sumubok ulit sa pag-big.
I was 18 when I met Gavin, he's one of my male classmates who happened to be my seatmate back in we were in 11th Grade.
It all started when we were paired with an activity in General Mathematics and he asked me, "Alam mo ba paano nakuha?"
Hindi naman ako katulad ng iba naming kaklaseng math wizard kaya hirap na hirap akong intindihin ang problem na nasa papel at ilang minuto ko pang tinitigan iyon hanggang sa matapos ni Gavin ang pag-solve at i-insist na letter C daw ang tamang sagot.
"Paano?" I asked, giving up on that problem given.
He leaned closer to me to the point na parang magbabangga na ang ulo namin. "Ganito kasi 'yan."
He started explaining how he got the right answer kaya na gets ko na rin. To be honest, he became my math tutor for the rest of the quarter kasi aminado akong hindi talaga ako kagalingan sa math.
Mabait siyang tao, maalaga, mapagmahal at may paninindigan. Siya aking naging academic buddy, magaling ako sa essays habang siya naman ay mas magaling sa math.
Mas napalapit ang loob ko kay Ares nang i-add ako nito sa Facebook at walang pag-aalinlangan ko siyang in-accept. Hindi tulad ibang lalaki, ang Facebook ni Gavin ay walang profile picture at ang laman ng kanyang photos ay childhood pictures niya at iyong paborito niyang aso.
"Gano'n talaga kapag pogi sa personal, walang dp sa Facebook."
Naalala kong pabirong sabi sa akin ng aking kaibigan na si Zia.
Gavin and I became friends which is I think we shouldn't have gotten far from it. After all, it was the hardest thing to forget and to let go.
After coming out of a past relationship and feeling like I'd never fall in love when I started to feel strange feelings again with Gavin, that was when I said, "Oh no I am falling in love again."
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Transient Embrace (BL)
Romance"He clung to his transient embrace as if it held the universe, unaware that the stars were destined to fade, leaving him in the cold of eternal night."
