It Begins From Where It Ended

Chapter 3

No one is allowed to touch me.

I've been seeking for treatment from my psychiatrist. It has been four years. It's a long time. I know.

It has been four years.

Since the trauma.

I've heard that the other person is still in treatment.

At home.

I know that it must also be a great pain for that person. I have learnt to forgive. Honestly, I was never angry about that person. I was shocked at first. Since that event, I haven't been back on track to my normal social life. My acting skill is quite good when I'm at school. It is so awesome that I even want to try out in new films.

Dr. Luis is reading my file when I get into the room. He is a kind old man with a head of grey hair as grey as ash. Under his rectangular glasses, I can see his pale blue eyes. They are so pale that somehow they might become the colour as his hair. Whenever I chat with him and listen to his words, he is just like the Santa. An old nice man who tries to make you happy. Thinking of Christmas, I found my favourite holiday tune in my brain. It is Save Some Snow. I don't remember who sing it but I know they are a group of boys singing a happy song.

"Oscar !" Dr. Luis snaps his fingers in front of my eyes. "Oscar !"
I blink twice getting my concentration back. "Yes ?"
"Where were you ?" He is now sitting right in front of me. When did he start to sit in front of me ?
"Sitting in this chair in your clinic." He tosses me a question look. "I guess." I add.
Dr. Luis nods in contemplation. "How often does your mind go wandering around ?"
I shrug, "All the time. I love to think about lots of things in my head."
"Well...why don't you discuss your mind with others ? You'll be better if you talk more often with people about your life or your though." He crosses his legs and leans forward getting me nervous.
I don't like people getting so close to me, so I move my chair backward. "I'm sorry. I just...I don't feel right when you're so close. The best distance for me and others is a hundred and fifty centimetres."
He puts up his hands, "I get it. My fault. Sorry. We should do step by step."
"Thanks. And about you telling me to talk with more people, I can't do it. I can't reveal my life to strangers."
"You do tell me your life."
I shake my head. "I have to. You're the doctor."

Why can't he get it ? I just can't get used to new faces. I hate being among the crowd because they can easily touch my skin. Humans are liars. Humans can't be trusted. This is what I've learnt from my mistake. Although I keep saying so, I don't have any hatred toward the person who hurt me. Mum said that I changed. I've become smarter. I'm not gonna manipulated by anyone. I'm free as a bird out of the cage. The song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" covered by Connie Talbot comes into my head. This song sings about freedom and happiness. One of my favourite bedtime story from Mum is "The Wizard of Oz". She read to me and Den every night when we were little and still slept together in a twin-sized bed. I have always wanted to visit Kansas since then. I used to believe that if there was a tornado coming, I would be blown to a magical place and I could start my own journey. Now I still want to visit Kansas because I think...well it's cool. When your friend brags about he going to Paris, I can tell him me going to Kansas. There will only be a small problem if he has no idea where Kansas is. But there definitely will be a huge problem because I have no friends. Isn't Natalie my friend ? Ehh...technically, she is just a partner at school doing projects with me. I know that I said Dennis was my best friend. Nevertheless, I can't be like, "You know what, Den ! I finally went to Kansas." And he's gonna answer me like, "Yeah. I know. Remember ? I was there with you."

"Hey, kid !" Dr. Luis waves his hand in front of me. "It seems like you went wandering again."
I sigh. It's rude not to pay attention when the man is trying to cure you from your illness. I know. And I don't know. I don't know how I just let my soul waltz away like that.
"Hope you'll think over what I've just said and if you didn't hear a thing, trying to chat with people is the main point." Dr. Luis stands up and politely opens the door for me which I think that he's asking me out in a different way. "And if you go on your big exploration again, say hi for me to Michael Jackson when you meet him."
I stand up and walk out the room, knowing that Dennis is waiting for me outside. "Of course ! Thank you for today's stuff."
"I'll see you two weeks later."