Dreams

The Game

She's been playing that game for as long as I can remember. And not in a multiple-play-through, need-every-single-achievement way. No.

She's been playing that game - for YEARS - in a sucked-in, all-she-can-even-fucking-think-about-anymore way.

As I walk by her room, and see her zoned in, I wonder if she even remembers me. If she even cares. I'm her daughter - and I am concerned about her. But I haven't found a way to break her gaming addiction.

"Hey," I call from the door. "I was just gonna go grab lunch. Want to come with?"

"Um..." she trails off for a second, lost in her game. "Sure. You're leaving now?"

"Yeah. Lunch is my treat - but you're driving."

I hold her to that. Anything to keep her away from the game, even for a brief time. We drive to the restaurant in silence. On our way we pass Target, and I decide to ask her to stop there on our way back home - to prolong the day... Before I know it, we're at the restaurant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay. One chicken breast meal and one 4-strip meal." the waitress writes our order down. "And two medium sodas. That'll be right out."

I'm excited. I don't remember the last time I ate chicken.

"So... I'm about halfway done with my PhD, now," I begin. "I should be starting my dissertation soon. Probably should've started it earlier."

"You should have," my mother says, sticking a hand in her purse.

"Totally," I try to save this conversation. "What about you? What've you been up to?"

"Oh! I HAVE to show you something from the game," my mom fishes her phone out of her purse pocket. "So. They're saying that...."

I nod. I give reactions. I am acting as best I can. In reality, I'm doing my best to drown it all out. It's not that I'm uninterested in my mother's life and interests; it's that the game she's playing is harmful. Crazy, even. Her reality is so much different - so much scarier - than mine. I saw how easy she got sucked into it.

No way in hell would I allow myself to be sucked into it too.

This was probably my fault for asking. I zone back in to the conversation just in time to hear my mother talk again.

"It's crazy," she says. "Maybe this will FINALLY get everyone to play the game. Maybe they'll FINALLY see."

Fat chance.

"Maybe," I respond, my voice quiet. But it's useless. She's no longer paying attention to me; she's playing the game on her phone.

A few minutes later, the waitress is back. She sets chicken strips down in front of my mother, and a sushi roll in front if me. I stare at it for a moment.

What kind of fried chicken restaurant sells sushi?

The waitress is gone before I can bring it to her attention... In fact, everyone in the restaurant is gone. It's just me and my mom.

I take a piece of the sushi roll and pop it in my mouth. It's delicious.

"This is pretty good," I say, grabbing another piece. "I didn't even know they had this. Want to try a piece?"

"No."

"It's good! I'll split it with you, if you want."

Silence.

Silence.

I finish my roll in silence. My mother has only eaten two of her chicken strips. Her fries are untouched. She's playing the game on her phone, still, and attempting to take a sip of her soda - the straw missing her mouth a few times before she gets it.

I don't know how to deal with this anymore.

...

I place a $50 bill on the table, and make my exit. Outside, the world has returned - people are walking through shops and driving down the road. Everything is right again, outside of the restaurant.

I look down the street and see a mother and her young daughter eating ice cream together, and I smile.