Pins and Needles

Am I... falling

I get home and I fall back onto the couch. The babysitter comes up to me and sits next to me. “She’s fed and fast asleep. She’s a darling.” I smile softly at her. “That’s great. Let me get my wallet so I can-” She cuts me off. “Oh, Mr. Knight already paid me.” “Oh.” We say our goodbye and she leaves. I get into my sleep clothes. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was fast asleep. That night, I had a dream. Not a nightmare. An actual dream. Billy was in it and he was shirtless. He was panting… Why is he panting? “Lilith, it’s hard to keep quiet and go this slow but we can’t wake Penny up. Ah!” He whispered in my ear in between breathy pants. He moans softly in my ear as he continues to thrust slowly. Oh. My. God. I wake up in a cold sweat, panting heavily. I just had a wet dream about Billy…I JUST HAD A WET DREAM ABOUT BILLY! Shit! This can’t be happening. I’ve known the guy for four days and I’m having wet dreams about him?! Penny wakes, crying. I get up and pick her up out of her cradle. I sooth her and walk into the kitchen to get her a bottle from the fridge. As I feed her, I think about my dream. Why did I have this dream? I mean Billy is attractive and sweet and cares a lot about Penny and I and he’s passionate and… Shit… I’m in love with him. I’m fucking in love with him. I called the babysitter, “Sorry, love. I can’t make it today. I got my hands full.” She said before hanging up. “Looks like you’re coming to group with me today, Penny.” She giggled as I grabbed her baby bag and her.
Penny and I walk into the meeting room and Billy saved a seat for me. I sit down next to time. “Hey, Lilith and Hello, sweet Penny.” He gave her a little wave and Penny waves back. “Why is she here?” One lady on the opposite side of me said, “This is no place for a baby.” “My sitter was busy today. I didn’t have much of a choice.” I snapped back. Bitch. “You should have had a back up plan! To bring a kid, let alone a baby, to a therapy meeting is highly inappropriate. What if someone here has a history of miscarriages? You’re just rubbing it in their face.” “Do you have a history of miscarriages?” Billy spoke up. “No but-” “Then shut up. It’s not your business.” The room went silent. “Billy-” “It’s no one's business why she brought her kid, It’s her kid. Her sitter canceled at the last minute. That’s all you need to know.” I stare up at him. He blushes and looks away. We continue on the meeting with Penny babbling quietly to herself, playing with her bunny.
Billy, Penny, and I leave the meeting together. “Thank you for defending me back there. It’s already hard to bring her here.” “It’s really no problem. I didn’t mean to get mad. I just… I just… I got angry… I don’t usually get angry. I don’t like getting angry.” “It’s ok. It honestly surprised me that someone stood up for me.” I smile at him. He looks down at me. “I just… I don’t like how I am when I’m angry. I feel like I’ll hurt someone and… I don’t want to hurt anyone-” He quickly scratches his nose with his thumb five or six. “... Ummmm… What was that about?” He looks away, embarrassed. “It’s something I do when I’m overwhelmed or I’m upset or… I don’t know why I do it, to be honest with you. I just kind of do it.” “So a tick?” “I guess” We continue to walk down the street. I try to adjust Penny to relieve some pain on my shoulder. Billy notices this and says, “I can carry her if you want. I can imagine your shoulder hurts like hell.” I handed Penny to him and he cradled her in one of his arms. He tries to take the baby bag but I stop him. “My shoulder is fine, Billy. I can carry a baby bag.” “I don’t care.” He looks at me, serious. I give in and hand him the bag. “This is really unnecessary, Billy.” “Unnecessary or not, I’m not letting you put pressure on that shoulder for the rest of the day. We have the day off anyway. I don’t open the shop the days I go to group.” “Oh.”
I walk into my apartment with Billy and Penny following me inside. Billy stops in the doorway. “Wow, you have a lovely place.” He said as he looked around. I try to take Penny from him but he stops me. “Still not letting you put pressure on your shoulder, love” Love? “Love? Is that my nickname now?” I tease him. He blushes bright red, like he was sunburnt. “No no no no no no! No! I am so sorry! I didn’t mean it like that! It just came out! It’s a force of habit!” He starts to trip all over his words. I chuckle, “I’m just teasing, Billy.” He looks at me, shyly. He scratches his nose again. It's a cute nervous tick. I chuckle as he scratches his nose. “What?” He looks back at me with a worried look. Poor thing looks so embarrassed. “Your nervous tick is cute” I wasn’t gonna lie to him. It was cute. Adorable even. “In fact I think it’s adorable.” I smiled up at him. If he wasn’t red before, he was now. “You think it’s cute?” He asked like I just told him his deepest fear. “Yeah. It makes you more…Interesting and Endearing.” He looks like he did believe me at first. He hands Penny to me and almost runs out the door of my apartment, yelling “good-bye”. I smile. He’s adorable but sexy at the same time. I wonder why he ran out like that. Weird.