I'm A Fucking Psycho

<3

well shit, he hates me. why can't we be like any of the couples you will see on tv or on tiktok or something, I love him though. he has black long hair and dark brown eyes and he loves to wear baggy clothes. I am so different from him, why does he like me? Oh Star is calling me I should answer.

Star: Hey Pooks

Me: Hi

Star: Can I vent to you 

(Star starts venting to me)

Me: Oh shit that sucks I'm so sorry you don't deserve that neither do they I hope you are ok.

we have this conversation almost every day and I love to listen to Star's problems but I am horrible at comforting, oh well its nine I should get ready for bed. I throw on a old graphic t-shirt and boxers, I used to have a real routine but I lost motivation. after I tripped over like 7 boxes and  12 pieces of clothing I reached my light switch its already 11:30. Fuck I spent hours daydreaming again, or was I having a conversation with Tara (who doesn't exist but is still my best friend) I don't remember. I have therapy tomorrow SHIT! its ok Frances just pretend like everything is ok.

I got out some paper and some herbs, I have been rolling for months I'm great at it, I got my lighter that says Canada on it and lit the paper, I smoke a lot, I need to quit. 

I need to quit I tell myself that everyday but it doesn't matter, I'm a addict, I will never quit. how the fuck can Lane love me, I am a mess. 

After I finish my home-ade cigarette I open my drawer to my night stand, I take out a silver but bloody sharpener blade. I do this every night, I have to I don't know why. I start slitting my wrists as if it will make all my problems disappear and it does, temporarily. usually it isn't enough though so I over dose on anything I can find Advil, d3 etc.

                                                                      I feel great.

 I open up my laptop and open Wattpad I read some thriller books and write a little to.

it is around 2 am, I should sleep. I never do. instead I open tiktok, I stalk lance's reposts and then just watch my fyp. Now it is 4 I get up in  3 hours. I should actually sleep. 

I go to my playlist it is a mix between hypercore and heavy metal. I get made fun of my music taste a lot but I cant do anything without the sound of screaming in my ears, including sleep.