Who knew that rolling around for an hour with a pretty girl could be so exhausting? Maki had promised to go easy on you today, when you'd shown up to training, practically shaking like a leaf, with a complexion so pale that it bordered on green.
But it would appear that Maki's definition of 'easy' is . . . Well. The exact opposite of yours. Though you should probably have expected it by now. You know how intense she can be. But by the time she's through with you, a large portion of your skin is mottled in shades of blue and black. Curiously, you poke at a discoloration on your left forearm, watching it fade where you touch and then reappear. It throbs a little, but you've had worse. This is small potatoes compared to Suguru Getou.
"Okay, let's call it a day." Maki decides, after a cursory glance at her watch, and a second glance at the pinks and oranges of the setting sun.
You're winded, but you manage to wheeze out a tired, "Hooray!"
"[ NAME ], go get the drinks."
"I take my hooray back."
"Blame the boys. And Panda. They left half an hour ago to find a vending machine, and where are they now?"
"I don't know?"
"Then go and find out."
"Don't you have a heart?"
"No. Any other questions?"
". . . Not really."
"Then get going."
You go.
Well, because you're not stupid and you don't want to hike around campus to look for two boys and a panda, you text Yuta first. Then Toge. But you're forced to concede defeat when neither of them reply, and when Maki starts staring at you with a look of impatience. Really, guys? What's the point of having a phone if you won't even use it?
The vending machines near the training grounds are empty, so you head to the ones near the cafeteria with a heavy sigh. Your legs feel like jelly, and you lean heavily on the wall for support as a wave of dizziness swamps you. You shake back burning, twirling fatigue. You wonder if you'll be able to get out of bed tomorrow.
The door to the cafeteria is cracked open the tiniest bit, releasing a pale golden strip of light into the otherwise dark hallways. You hear Yuta's voice, fumbling through the thick silence.
" ━ It's too extreme . . ."
Frowning, you press your back against the wall by the door, running your fingers over the dusty wooden panels as you crane your neck and try to peer inside. Okay, so spying on the boys isn't exactly moral, but you can't help being curious. You can't see much, except the wooden floor boards and a tiny ceramic lamp that's struggling to illuminate the entire room. Beyond it, out the window, at the dusky sky unmarred by the bright city lights.
" ━ Can't believe Gojo-Sensei suggested it . . ."
You want to push open the sliding doors, demanding to know what's up, but something stops you. Something is different, something that feels heavy in your mind and makes your stomach writhe. You can't pinpoint exactly what it is until Yuta says the word 'Africa'. You furrow your eyebrows and try to shake away the feeling of being punched in the face.
You have to be mistaken. You didn't hear what you think you just did.
"Man, Yuta, you're so lucky."
"How, Panda?"
"Ever since I was a young panda, I've always dreamed of going to Africa to punch a zebra."
". . ."
"Salmon roe."
"How you wound me with your words, Toge!"
All of a sudden things start clicking into place — all the fears you've been holding back — one right after another like dominoes falling. Yuta's going to Africa to train, possibly for a long time. You won't be able to follow him, because there's no way the Elders will send you out into the field unless absolutely necessary. You know the idea of Yuta moving forward and becoming stronger should make you feel happy, but there's a deep, gnawing feeling in your heart, a deep and uncrossable chasm opening up.
You're being left behind.
It's not just Yuta; everyone else is getting stronger, and there's some dull, disgusting feeling of jealousy swimming through your body that you think might burst out. You're a Jujutsu Sorcerer. Or was. What good are you now?
"Tuna, tuna."
"I know, I don't wanna leave you guys either, but . . ."
"[ NAME ]."
"Huh?"
"You mean you don't want to leave [ NAME ]."
"It's not ━ It's ━ That's ━"
"Well, what are you going to tell her?"
". . ."
"You didn't tell her yet?"
"Bonito flakes."
"Man, you're playing a dangerous game. Women hate being lied to."
"I know, I just don't know what to say to her!"
"'How about, [ NAME ], I'm going to Africa. Laters, baby.'"
"P ━ Panda, you can't be serious."
"Salmon."
"Or you could let Gojo do the dirty work for you. You know, since it's his bright idea and all . . ."
"He's in Switzerland right now, I don't think we should bother him . . ."
"Why not? He bothers us all the time . . ."
"Salmon."
"I still don't know, maybe I should just stay in Japan. . . Yeah. When Gojo-Sensei comes back, I'll ━ "
It feels like your whole body goes to ice in that second. Your friends are still talking and talking, while it feels like the world is collapsing around you, and then you really can't breathe — you're shaking in anger and sorrow and hurt, and you feel like you might shatter into a million pieces right then and there. You want to sit down and put your head between your knees, but you're worried that if you move, or close your eyes, or do anything, you'll just start to unravel — head coming away from neck coming away from shoulder — all of you just floating away into nothing.
