Come on Edward, this will be funny..." I begged. I loved my brother, but he was the biggest stiff I had ever met. Every day I would try and get his to do something to loosen up, but it never seemed to work. I went back to my begging. "Come on Edward, please... for me?"
"If I do this, and that is a big if, I want no jokes about my sex life or lack there of for the next month is that clear?" Edward demanded. I thought about it for a second, a month is a long time for me to not say something about the fact that the neighbors dog has had more action than Edward, or the fact that too much pent up sexual frustration might lead Bella to take matters into her own hands... I started laughing at my own joke when I felt Edward glaring at me.
"Fine, I promise no jokes about that for a month. If I forget, Bella can drive my Jeep for a week. Deal?" I held out my had to him grinning. Edward grudgingly shook it but eventually smiled.
"OK where are we going to do this?" He asked looking over his shoulders.
"Well, he likes to go to the pond and feed the ducks some days, he really is one strange vampire that brother of ours." I mumbled as I scanned the park. There weren't many people out today, so it should be perfect, no witnesses. I stepped off the path so a biker could pass.
"Let's go this way and just keep your eyes open for him." Edward and I headed along the path, toward the pond. It was just up a small hill and then the path started curving to the right, the pond was just beyond the curve.
As we started to reach the top of the hill, the most horrible smell hit our noses. "Ugh, what in the world is that god awful smell?" I was looking around for a dead animal or something.
"Ew, I think it's coming from there." Edward pointed at a small wooden building that was right across the path from the pond.
"Is that a bathroom? What human in their right mind would use that place? It smells awful.." I said as I coughed from the smell. The smell..."Crap!"
"What's wrong?" Edward stopped in the middle of the path.
"Smell, he'll smell us coming a mile away... we won't be able to sneak up on him here." I said sadly kicking the asphalt at my feet. My fun for the afternoon was ruined.
"Well, we could go hide in that bathroom, he'd never be able to smell us then. He'd probably stop breathing as soon as the scent hit him." Edward speculated. I was impressed, there might just be hope for him yet.
"Good thinking Eddie! I think I'm starting to rub off on you..." I teased as I threw my arm around his neck, rubbing my fist into his hair.
"Emmett, get your hands off of me." He growled as he thrashed to escape.
"Come on, he should be here any minute, you listen for his thoughts, and when he's close, we'll jump out and flash him the moon." I said gleefully. Edward rolled his eyes as we headed toward the foul smelling building.
When we opened the door, I think the condition of the interior was even more foul then the scent. "Does no one clean this place?" I shuddered as I looked around to see toilet paper strewn across the floor, the toilets were unflushed and there were wet puddles of what I could only assume was urine all along the wall. "Human are so disgusting." I mumbled as I folded my arms across my chest to avoid touching anything. Edward stood in the center of the small room, refusing to come in contact with a single surface, for fear of bringing some horrible germ home to his dear Bella.
It was probably only a few minutes, but when you are trapped in a cramped, smelly, disgusting place, very second feels like a decade, until I saw Edward's face change.
"Do you hear him?" I asked with a hint of excitement in my voice. Edward nodded his head. "Is he close yet?"
"No, he's just starting to come up the hill." Edward said quietly.
