I was laying on the couch at my brother's house in London where my whole family was planning on spending the summer, my head was hanging off the sofa and my notebook had been forgotten on the floor long ago, I had been trying to come up with a new song for the past two hours and so far had nothing. It had been a total of six months since I had seen anyone outside of my family and I didn't mind making it another six, or maybe a year? Did I really have to face anyone ever again? Maybe i could just disappear and nothing would happen, Who am i kidding? There's been at least 10 different articles published about my 'time off' each one more ridiculous that the one before. In fact, the last one I read said i had stopped posting everywhere and going out because i was hiding a pregnancy.
"you've written anything?" my mom asks picking up my notebook at placing it on the coffee table, I just mumble a 'no' "well maybe you can go outside, get some inspiration" she suggests, but I can't go outside so I just ignore her suggestion and she shakes her head walking away towards my brother who's standing by the kitchen staring at the interaction
"no luck?" he whispers but I can still hear him, I can also imagine my mom shaking her head "alright my turn" he walks to me, his footsteps heavy on the wooden floor "get up we're going golfing"
"I don't golf" I tell him but he doesn't go away, instead he keeps poking me
"I don't care, you've been cooked up in here for the past week and before that it was two weeks hiding from everyone in your apartment" not everyone, I was still opening the door for my neighbor Maggie when she'd drop off her dog for me to look after "listen, mom is scared" he whispered "if you don't want to get better for yourself at least do it for her" he gets up and looks behind me at mom I imagine and sighs turning back to me "we're leaving to meet lando, carlos and caco, in 20 minutes"
"i promise you'll have a good time" seth adds "and if you dont at least maybe you'll have something to write about"
we were at the golf course sitting in the car waiting for the other 3 to arrive, faint music playing in the background. i was checking my tote bag which had exactly the same things it did earlier when i'd packed it (my notebook, my favorite pen, water bottle, phone, headphones, portable charger, wallet, gum, a book, chapstick and a ziplock with smaller ziplocks containing different snacks) but it kept me busy looking so sean wouldnt start up a conversation about how i 'needed to snap out of this mood'.
"oh they're here" i hear him say and my head snaps up seeing both carlos get out of the car that has just parked next to ours, no sight of lando yet.
i got out of the car clutching my tote taking a deep breath preparing myself to meet up with people "ah look who's here!" carlos exclaims after greeting my brother "la niña!" he walks to me and gives me a hug, his cousin, caco, following swiftly behind
"hi carlos" i smiled, a genuine smile for once "caco" both of these men had been like family for the past couple of years, and although i hadnt seen them in a few months the feeling of familiarity hadnt faded one bit.
"its been a while" caco mentions as we walk towards the building where we're checking in "how've you been?"
"yeah, it's been okay" it hasnt, but im not about to complain to this poor man about how shit my life has been recently, although he probably has an idea if he's been on the internet at least once in the past couple of months "you? how's camila?"
"oh we're great! camila's in madrid right now for work but we're taking a trip to greece in a few days" i love camila, she's a girl's girl through and through, the first time i'd met her we'd been in a club and i had ended up crying in the bathroom over my, at the time, boyfriend. her and caco had just arrived a few minutes before but she noticed i was upset and followed me into the restroom, she held me while i cried and then helped me fix my makeup.
