US ( Jenlisa Oneshots )

I love you, goodbye.

 

 
Jennie's POV

   

 
  

"Hi.. " I greeted as soon as I saw her sitting on our usual spot.. The hi wasn't cheerful and energetic.. It's not the usual hi that I have always gave her.. But I smiled.. Hiding the pain inside when in fact, my heart is already bleeding and we haven't even started anything yet..
  
"Hello.. " she greeted back and move a little giving me a space to sit beside her.. We have this habit where we always sit on this particular chair as we watch the moon at night.. She smiled but it was different, her eyes were telling me otherwise..
 
I sat comfortably beside her as I focused my eyes above watching how the moon shines so bright and be perfect with its shape.. It's beautiful yet filled with sadness..
 
We often watch the moon in this exact wooden chair.. We laugh, we argue, we kiss, we hug... Everything about us was witnessed by this chair.. Probably our parting too..
 
I glanced over her and saw how she's admiring the moon as always.. She tends to do that.. Space out a little from time to time  but that's alright to me.. I kinda like it because it gives me to time to actually admire her beauty.. To appreciate her presence but now it's different.. I can't do that anymore..
  
"We should end it right, Lisa? " I asked and a knife immediately stabbed my heart.. I hated what I said.. I hated it so much but I have to..
 
Her parents find out about us.. They're against it of course.. And I get their point.. We are two different persons.. She's too good for me.. We are too young.. We simply can't be together..
 
"Hmm I guess.. " she shortly said..
 
Lisa wasn't the type to tell you things like the way I can.. She can't open up that easily.. She practically hides everything that she's been suffering on.. She's not good with words.. She's not good with talking but I know she tries..
 
She's not saying so much words right now but I know her.. I know she just can't say those words but she's hurting inside.. Dying probably? She always seems so jolly and bright when in fact, she struggles with herself the most..
 
"How are you? " I asked as I awkwardly swing my feet in the air while I fidget with my own fingers.. I tend to do that when I'm nervous.. Or scared..
 
"I'm fine" she's lying.. I know she isn't..
 
"I'm sorry about your parents, it's partially my fault" and it's true.. If we did not start any of this.. We won't be having this goodbye right now..
 
"It's fine, don't worry" she's lying again.. It's not fine.. I know her parents were mad at her, they probably shouted and cursed at her.. Saying things that could hurt her for the longest time.. Things that might ruin her mind.. I wish to erase those things if I could..
  
"How about you? Are you fine? " She asked me the same question.. In that moment, I wanted to cry and just hug her.. I wanted to feel her warmth and comfort.. I wanted to keep her..
  
"No, I'm not" I said honestly.. How could I? I'm loosing the only person who gave my worth.. I'm loosing the love of my life..
  
"We will be fine sooner or later, don't worry, you're strong" I said to console both of us.. It's a lie though.. I just know for sure that I will not be fine for a while..
 
"I'm not" she said.. I know.. Lisa may act strong but she's the most softhearted person I've ever met.. She acts like it's fine when it's not.. She always acts the opposite to hide and protect her vulnerable heart..
 
"Earlier, I watched the sunset alone.. A lot of people were surrounding me as they watch too.. I would usually feel scared and anxious but I didn't because I thought of you being there with me.. " I told her.. It was true..
 
I'm afraid of heights, Lisa made sure to always guide me whenever we walk to school especially when we are walking to higher floors.. I have social anxiety and I hate crowded places.. Lisa knows it so she made sure to never leave my side when a lot of people are around us... She would hold my hand as we walk to make sure that I'm fine because she knows that it comforts me..
 
She always walks on the outside part of the road, she made sure that I am always happy.. She gave me her first kiss.. She stayed during my highs and consoled me during my lows.. She was there with me in everything.. She was there.. Always..
 
I noticed the silence between us.. She didn't say anything back.. Maybe she's stopping herself or she just really doesn't want to say more things that will make this hard for the both of us..
  
"You ate lunch? " I asked casually.. She have this habit of not eating lunch because she would rather spend her lunch time with me than eating.. I know it's bad but I kinda liked it because I lowkey wanted to spend time with her too..
  
"Hmm.. " she did not even look at me and I just know that she didn't.. Maybe she doesn't have any appetite? Or she just doesn't want to eat lunch like usual.. I would never know..
 
"Eat your lunch.. Always.. That's my only wish" I said.. I won't be around anymore to remind her to eat.. I won't be there to nag her when she's being stubborn..
  
"I tried to fight.. I wanted to.. But we have no choice.. We haven't even started the fight yet we're loosing already" I explained.. I don't want her to think that we're ending this because we don't love each other..
 
I don't want her to choose me over her parents, she won't have a future with me.. I can't give her what her parents can.. I can't give her a comfortable life yet.. So even if it will hurt the two of us.. We have to let this go..
 
I know deep inside she understand me.. Lisa is smart.. She knows my reasons and I don't have to tell her that.. She knows me like I'm a book that she have read before.. She knows me too well that I'm getting surprised sometimes..
 
"It's fine.. " she shortly replied again.. I know it's not.. Does she know? That I wanted to shout at her parents and tell them how much I care for her? I wanted to let them know that we won't be bad for each other..
 
I wanted to run away with her and live to where no one knows us.. I wanted stay with her no matter what.. But we are too young and incapable of doing so..
 
"Do you regret it? This? " I asked as I look down feeling how my heart crumpled into pieces.. I do not want to cry but my eyes betrayed me already..
  
Loving her was so easy.. I did not expect that letting her go would be as hard..
  
"No" she said.. I smiled painfully.. That'll be good for me.. I do not regret loving her too..
 
I do not regret talking to her everyday until we fell for each other.. I do not regret spending those days, happy or sad.. I don't regret anything.. Not even a single thing and if I were given a chance to come back, I would still choose to love her even if I already know the ending..
 
She's not that hard to choose, so I kept choosing her.. And I will continue to do so..
   
"You were my best.. I want you to know that" I said and cried silently.. I do not have anything to say.. I don't know how to keep this conversation longer.. It simply means that I really have to let her go now.. It sucks..
   
I stood up and prepared myself to walk away.. I tend to run and hug her everytime that we will see each other.. That's how I'm excited to see her.. That's what I usually do, because it's easy.. Now walking away feels like hell.. My feet felt heavier than usual..
  
Then I started to think, was this really good for the both of us? Can't we just stay with each other? I don't think I can let her go..
 
I thought I was ready.. I thought I can do it but I'm wrong again.. It's so hard.. Why? She walked into my life so easily, why can't she go easily too?
  
I look into her eyes and she looked back at me.. The look she gave me was everything.. Maybe it's not our time yet.. Maybe not now.. But I promised to myself that if we both meet again and had the same feelings..
 
Like I always do, I will choose her again.. And I'll make sure that the next time I will have her.. I will fight for her as much as I can.. I'll make sure to win her when that time comes..
 
With a bruised heart and a smile on my lips.. I walked away and cried myself..
 
She will be fine.. I will be fine..
 
Somewhere in another universe, I hope we made it.. I hope some other versions of us made it because that's enough for me..
 
I  will wait as long as I can...
  
Goodbye for now.. I love youu so much..

 

__________
 



  

 
This might be so random and a little confusing but I'm dedicating this story to someone... Hi!! I hope you're doing good! Stay strong there and be happy..


 

 
Letting someone go is hard but if u did, that also means that u're brave..