缘分

⭐️

now playing:
take my hand — 5 seconds of summer
the 1 — taylor swift
in a perfect world — dean lewis, julia michaels
superhero — austin moon
no reason — ryan.b, effie

dear santiago,

i guess my letters aren't a surprise to you. so, i'm not sure if this one would be. when you sent me that message about us meeting each other on my birthday, i couldn't help thinking about it as well. the first time meeting you, i was kind of nervous. did you know that? outside of dalia, archer & jake, i didn't have any other person on here who i could talk to. i liked to keep my circle of friends small, that was until dalia convinced me to reach out to you. i'm incredibly grateful she suggested that to me, since it turned out to be one of the best decisions i've made last year.

i was really shy to reach out to you, i don't even know if you still remember it. i do, because i remember your kindness. i remember how accepting you were & welcoming, you made me feel comfortable & asked me a lot of questions to keep the conversation going. i quickly found a friend in you, i could talk to you about anything & you'd just listen. you'd ask me what it is i wanted from you, if it was advice of comfort & you'd give just that to me.

i remember my internship days last semester where i'd wake up at 7am & you'd be there to talk to. whether i was complaining because of the weather or actually had something to talk about, you always gave me space to do so & never tried to change me. you always accepted me in whatever way i am, & you still do now. thank you, so much, for taking up a chance with me & for being there for me day in & day out.

i didn't want to mention our fight in this letter, but i will, because i reflected a lot on it & found positives in the negativity. somewhere, i feel grateful that that fight happened, because i was able to learn from my mistakes that way.

fights are inevitable. that's the simple truth. no one likes it but it happens & i handled it the wrong way. i look for confrontation when i fight with someone, but when it goes on for too long? i get mentally tired, sometimes saying very stupid things because i don't know how to draw the line when i'm tired. it's hard to think clearly with all my emotions influencing me & i just give up. it's a bad habit, i know now, because when i gave up, you didn't. you didn't give up on me & i have a lot of respect & admiration for you for doing that. you kept trying with me, even when i most likely was very unreasonable. i don't know what else to say besides thank you. thank you for not giving up on me, for actually pushing me to try a little harder as well, for helping me & creating a comfortable enough space for me to reflect on this. thank you for accepting me, for staying with me, for giving me space when i asked for it but still checking in on me. thank you for loving me, even in my dark moments.

of course, i hope something like this won't ever happen again, but if it were to? i hope to be as strong as you. & i hope that i'll be the one who gets to stay with you, reassure you it's okay that we're fighting because it happens, but that we'll make up anyway. because i realised that's what good friends do, we find a way to move on & make it work. it would be okay if it didn't work out too, it would be sad but we can't be friends with the entire world. though, i'm so glad that it does & that i still have you here, with me. even though our fight was a bad memory, i think it's one i won't allow myself to forget because it held a valuable lesson for me. i was already content when i had only three close friends, bus when you came into my life? it's as if my entire world lit up a little brighter. you had this positive, energetic & refreshing vibe that lit up my entire world.