Would you choose to live forever?

Chapter 1: To be scared

"They say that life is the most important thing someone can carry."

"It is, after all, your only shot, your only chance to change things and to enjoy the limited aspects of it. Yet for some, it is a curse..."

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Distant nonsensical chatter, howling cold winds, and my very own beating heart. These three things were the only noise that rang through my ears. They were somewhat muffled and silent but still very much audible even as I stood where I was. However, these noises were unbearable as if their very existence were there to taunt and torment my faltering mind.

The chatter of those who laughed while I didn't, the cold winds that blew toward me without considering what I felt, and my heart that continued to beat even when I wanted it all to end.

The persistent beating piece of morsel that pounds again and again without stopping... I just wished could it had stopped long ago before it had to come to this.

Today was no different and for this moment in particular, my heart accelerated in its pace as if it had a mind of its own; a part of my body that was scared beyond belief, to the point I wouldn't be surprised if it had burst out of my chest in a desperate attempt to get away. 

I couldn't blame it either, even I was scared of this moment... But to consider doing anything else, would've hurt even more.

To be scared is to acknowledge your own fear. The feeling of something so overwhelming it clouds your mind and leaves your body screaming at the very sight of it. To repulse and to avoid, to stray away from what your body reacts in opposition, that is the definition I would give to what being scared really is.

My hands shivered under the cold wind along with the subconscious thoughts that filled my mind, my face pale as ever while my head was lightheaded enough to the point I couldn't even stand up straight much longer without focusing. It was hard to push myself to stall any longer for if I don't steer myself to do it now, the cycle will begin over again and if that comes, there won't be another chance.

I stood on the very edge and as the once distant chatter sourced from the departure of students turned to silence, I looked over the scenery one last time, my weary expression watching dark clouds move over the vast skies. A gloomy day and a cloudy one at that, a sight to be expected seeing the last few days that passed.

I inched closer to the by another inch, letting the top of my shoe peek over in the air as the line between solid ground and bare empty space hid under the soles of my shoes. I took another breath and as I did so, the wind that continued on and on picked up its pace, blowing a hard gust of wind that had me wavered but for a moment; the gesture looked as if fate itself was trying to prevent me from continuing on what I was heading straight toward.

But it was pointless, the frugal attempt was too little too late. It should've played into place much sooner than this. It should've done all it could back then if it really was opposed to my rash irreversible decision.

I stood there alone with the tips of my fingers and toes freezing, atop the building where the harsh blowing winds were pushing against me. My red tie and the jacket all students were ordered to don while in school were nowhere to be seen, pieces of clothing I felt were a waste of me. 

The white undershirt school uniform and the dark blue pants were all I wore and as they fluttered like a butterfly under the change of wind, the fabric blowing along with it led my hair to turn into nothing but a mess.

My white school uniform looked blue under the evening sun, a fitting color to set the current mood as soon... I'll cease to exist.

My eyes were on the verge of closing with but slits allowing for the bare minimum of sight as there was little left I wanted to see left in this unforgiving world. Toward the distance, just under my sight line, the covered sun attempted to pierce through and shine onto me yet was impeded by the thick layer of clouds that looked to represent my very state of mind.