It's now been 10 years since the accident. The depression has gone down, my marriage has gotten better. After about a month we knew we couldn't live without each other. I laugh sometimes at my life. It's gone from great to horrible to amazing to okay and back to amazing. I've gotten into 6 car accidents since then. I feel like god is trying to tell me something. Maybe that it's my time. Maybe I should've been up there with him a long time ago, maybe I was meant to die and not Sam.. I now go to schools across the U.S. to talk about my experiences and how important safety and security is to schools. Usually half of them start tearing up or crying.. But I tell them not to. I tell them how he came back to me, how he said that he was in a better place. How he knew he was going to be okay. I also talk about how precious life is because you never know what may happen. You have to live for today and dream for tomorrow. Worry less, laugh more. Head up, heart full.
I've had 2 kids, twins actually. Savannah and Taylor. My gorgeous girls. I've promised not to let anything happen to them. They're the reason I am alive today. I visit Sam everyday and sometimes bring Savannah and Taylor along. I tell them about their late brother. How he had no front teeth. How we would play all the time. How he never cleaned his room.. The little things. One day I heard them laughing in the play room so I walked in. They were just looking at a wall. "What's so funny?" I asked them. And then I heard it. "It's Sam, mommy" little Taylor replied. I had never told them about Sam until they were 7.. They had no way of knowing about him. I teared up and looked where they were looking. "I love you." I mouthed. It was his birthday.. He was turning 15.
I still see him now and then. I'll be walking around town when I see his old friends and he'll be walking beside them.. He'd look over at me and smile. He had a beautiful smile. I'd seen him with a girl multiple times. She had long blonde hair and bright green eyes. Whenever she see's me she'll wave and have a huge smile on her face. They held hands, kissed. She was obviously not living.. It made me feel better in a way that I can't describe. He found happiness. He hadn't changed that much. His teeth perfectly straight and white. His blue eyes still the bluest I'd ever seen. His hair became a dark brown. He was about 5'11". Well that's about it.. My life had now become a LifeTime movie.
One day I will reunite with Sam, but for now, he will still be my little angel.
