DAILY MANTRAS and THEIR STORIES

"Time Heals Every Wound"

As I finished watching a Kdrama series entitled"Daily Dose of Sunshine", it reminded me how important mental health awareness is. Each one of us needed some outlets to vent or let all the negative emotions out from your system.

So, here's my way of letting out all these thoughts out of my neurons. Let's type it in English para syala (charaught). I don't wanna share this so you can pry on my private life, nope. I don't wanna lay all my hidden cards just for you, Marites (charaught). I just wanna inspire all those ppl who's having difficulty in dealing with their mental health.

Here it goes...
During my younger years, I was fond with my father and I was called "Tatay's girl". I remembered all those happy memories with him. Clinging unto him and sitting upon his lap while him singing. He has so many dad jokes and my mom has it too! Everytime my family will go out, I was always with him. There are times he'll carry me up in his shoulders, we call it "usong". He'll always 'usong' me cause I like being tall. But all things changed...
It all started when I was at the age of 8 and I'm in 3rd Grade. I witnessed an act, a father shouldn't do to his children. But I didn't know that before I witnessed it, it has been his habitual deed. Then the dark days fell upon my family. Starting there, I acquired a psychological trauma.
I started.. being distant and cautious around him, I didn't wear shorts, sleeveless and chest-revealing tops, I stopped talking in eye-to-eye and felt uncomfortable beside him. That fear or uncomfortableness got bigger and wider as I grew up ...and extended towards all men.
Highschool days slash teenage days, I was around 2nd year or 3rd year when my Nanay and Tatay got separated and had their new partners in life. We were left behind in our house, me and my siblings. That was our rough years of our lives. Living under one roof with traumas. During daytime, we struggle for everyday expenses like going to school—the fare and food cause when Tatay says everytime he'll give us 'baon' for like 5 pesos, 10 pesos he'll say, "What will we do? That's only my money."—in a pagalit way. But with all those, we always go to school everyday cause we have dreams to fulfill. In nighttime, we struggle for our fear of him. Me, my Ate Jeffie and Ate Jenet will always pray every night and always bring 'sundang' (a big knife) beside our bed...
Later on, as my parents part ways, my Tatay left with his new partner and he didn't totally support our household finances and he didn't send us to school financially. He also said the most painful words that, "She's not my child", while pointing at me. It was all painful as he said those words infront of me. I've known and acknowledged him as my father inspite of all those things he said and done.
Living with all those fears and traumas we still live life to the fullest. Instead of getting sad or being hopeless, we remain faithful, hopeful and accepting the fact that Nanay, Tatay and our family will never be the same again.
As we graduated college, indeed it's "the best revenge of all those challenges and trials".
As my age every year increases, my psychological trauma's still remains within me.
When we discovered my father's illness got worst, people throw sharp words at us that "Balikbaliktarin man ang mundo, Tatay niyo pa rin siya". It's easier said than done. Well, despite him without asking for forgiveness, we still remain his children and forgive him. We tend and cares for him... And in the long run, the hate, anger and fear changed into sympathy. Sympathy for his new life wherein we saw how his life was ruined by his past actions. We saw how hard his new life is.
All throughout our lives, there are so many "what ifs" came in our mind. Like.. "What if..he never did what he did?" "What if.. children can choose their parents?" And so many thoughts like, "Buti pa sila.."
Buut thinking all those things we've experienced, that made us stronger and I'm thankful for those things—the sad, happy, fearful, successful and conquered happenings in our lives. Thank God! And now, I can say, "Tay,pinapatawad ka na po namin. Ginawa po namin ang lahat para lang madugtungan pa ang buhay niyo pero di naman natin hawak ang ating hiniram na buhay. Kaya Tay, rest in peace. Di ka na makakafeel ng kasakitan kung nasaan ka man ngayon. Nawa'y gabayan ka ng ating Poong Maykapal. Till we meet again. "

And now, I can tell... Time really heals every wound in God's will and timing. 🥹😭🙏🏼

PS: still overcoming the trauma, but in God's will .. it'll be healed.