What Makes the Best Day Ever

Purge

Squidward saw number seven and ran up the steps, gasping for breath. He knocked hard on the door then waited, leaning on the railing to try and catch his breath. There was a pause and then the door opened and a dark yellow sponge stood there. She pushed her glasses up and stared at him.
"Yes? Is there trouble?" she asked, sounding unsure of what to make of the panting octopus on her doorstep.
"SpongeBob," Squidward managed. "Hospital."
Her sweet face turned serious. "Stay right there. I'll grab my keys."
Within two minutes, she was backing her boatmobile into the street. Squidward came around and got inside, and he yelped as she floored the gas. Squidward had thought to explain things during the drive over, but he found himself speechless with terror as the sponge disobeyed almost every boating law in the book. There were so many near-misses and close calls that Squidward found himself gripping the door handle and huddled in his seat as he prayed that he wouldn't die. The drive to the hospital was horrifyingly fast, and as soon as she stopped, Squidward tumbled out into the parking lot, grateful to be alive.
The sponge waited for him as he stood up. "Come on, dearie," she said. "You looked spooked."
"You're where SpongeBob gets his driving skills," Squidward mumbled shakily.
"Oh, no, dear! He's even worse!" she laughed. "He doesn't miss things when driving. That's why he doesn't have his license yet."
Squidward didn't know how to respond to that remark, so he just grunted as they hurried into the hospital. Despite the short drive there, Patrick, Sandy, and Mr. Krabs were gathered around the desk, arguing with a nurse.
"What's going on here?" the sponge demanded in a loud voice. Everybody went silent, and they parted to let her approach the desk.
"I'm here to see my grandson."
"Name?"
"SpongeBob SquarePants."
A look of amusement crossed the fish's face. "We only have two sponges here, and you're not a Negombata Magnifica, so I assumed you were here for SpongeBob.
"Never assume, dearie. It makes an ass of you and me."
Sandy burst out laughing, unable to help herself. Mr. Krabs snorted, and Patrick smiled as Squidward stared at the sponge. She was so like SpongeBob, and despite the lack of physical resemblance, he knew they were related.
"Um, I need your name, ma'am," the fish said.
"Oh, why didn't you say so? I'm Sponjulia Spherilia, SpongeBob's grandmother."
She typed on the computer. "Alright, you're right here. You can go back. He's in three-seventeen."
Sponjulia walked over to the door and held it open, staring expectantly at the others, who had turned back to demand they get back there, too.
"Are you coming?" she asked.
Everybody turned in surprise. The nurse shook her head. "They can't go back, ma'am. They're not family."
"Well considering my daughter and her husband aren't currently speaking with SpongeBob, they're the closest he's going to get. Come along, dearies."
"We don't know who they are!" The nurse argued as the three sea creatures and the land mammal hurried through the open door.
"Squidward, Eugene, Sandy, and Patrick," Sponjulia recited. "It's quite simple. Have a good day!"
She shut the door, leaving the nurse gazing after them in shock. Sponjulia strode past them and down the hall, peering at the numbers. She got to the door and knocked in a rapping pattern then walked in. She stopped and looked alarmed.
"Oh dear. Not again," she murmured faintly.
Patrick hurriedly grabbed her arm and led her to a chair as he stared at SpongeBob. He looked so small and pale, and he was breathing shallowly. After a few moments, he slowly roused himself and opened his eyes. He smiled a little when he saw everybody there.
"Hey, guys," he said weakly.
"SpongeBob," Sandy said, her voice broken. "What kinda fool are ya?"
"A pretty big one," SpongeBob said, grinning a little.
"Why would ya filter all that poison?"
"It was hurting Patrick," SpongeBob said. "And if Patrick got too sick, you'd have been in trouble, Sandy. So I had to. I was going to have to be purged anyway. Too much poison in my system. Again."
"Was it the same sponge?" Sponjulia demanded.
SpongeBob shifted his eyes to his grandmother then looked down. "Yeah. It was Wily. He, uh, he's been around for a couple weeks with his friends."
"And you didn't think to tell me?" Sponjulia demanded. "Oh, how did they find you? I'll wring your parents out if they told that scum where you lived!"
"No. They saw the newspapers about the volcano," SpongeBob said. He frowned. "I didn't want to be in the papers again anyway. The first time proved it was nothing but trouble. I should have said no. But Sandy and Patrick wouldn't go up without me. So... I did."
Sandy and Patrick glanced at each other. They had noticed that SpongeBob was reluctant to be photographed for the paper, but they hadn't questioned it. And that was how Wily found out where he lived. That one moment had caused so much trouble for SpongeBob.
"Sorry, buddy," Patrick mumbled.
SpongeBob shrugged. "It was too much to hope it was over. I'm stupid like that."
"You're not stupid, SpongeBob!" Sponjulia snapped, standing up. "You get those ideas out of your head!"
SpongeBob didn't reply, his fingers twisting into the hospital blanket. There was a knock on the door and the doctor came in.
"Change of plans, Mr. SquarePants," he said. "The other sponge is fighting too much. We'll have to sedate him. So while we're waiting for him to calm down, what say we get your purge over with?"
"Okay," SpongeBob said weakly.
The doctor frowned as a suited up nurse slipped in behind him with a wheelchair. "You are aware of what's going to happen?"
"Yeah. It's not my first time," SpongeBob said. He allowed the nurse to help him into the chair.
"You've been purged before?"
"Four times," SpongeBob said quietly. "This is number five."
One look at the doctor's face told Patrick, Squidward, Sandy, and Mr. Krabs that this was not normal. He looked utterly horrified and swallowed.
"Then I suppose I don't need to tell you what's going to happen."
"Nope." SpongeBob paused and looked at his friends. "Would one of you come back with me?" he asked in a small voice. "I don't want to be alone again."
"What about Grandma?" Patrick asked.
"Yeah, she should go," Squidward said.
"I can't," Sponjulia replied, digging through her purse. "I'm a sponge, too, and if I absorb the poison that comes out of him, I'll have to be purged, too. And at my age, it's a much bigger ordeal."
"None of you can come into contact with the poison," the doctor said.
"I'll go then," Sandy said. She knocked against her helmet. "It won't touch me and I can rinse off before I come back."
The doctor thought about this. "That would be fine. Come along then."
SpongeBob was wheeled out of the room, and Sandy followed behind him. He looked so weak and resigned.
"So what's a purge, doc?" Sandy asked.
"It's a procedure where we force clean saltwater through a sponge to expel any poisonous material they've filtered," the doctor replied.
"Oh. That don't sound pleasant."
"It's not," SpongeBob murmured. "But I'll feel so much better afterward. It'll be okay."
They went into a room with a bed and a machine. Sandy's throat tightened when she saw restraints on the sides of the bed.
"Since you're immune to the poison, could you tie him up while I suit up?" the doctor asked.
Sandy nodded, and she helped SpongeBob onto the bed.
"Hang on," SpongeBob muttered and slipped off his hospital gown. He glanced up at Sandy a bit shyly and smiled apologetically. "Sorry. It's easier this way."
Sandy looked away as SpongeBob leaned back and placed his wrist on the restraint. "Make it really tight. If it slips off, we have to do it more."
Sandy obeyed, tightening the strap until SpongeBob said to stop. Then she did his other wrist and both ankles. SpongeBob licked his lips as the doctor came over.
"When I say in, breathe in and relax," he said. "And when I say out, contract as hard as you can."
"Mmhm," SpongeBob muttered.
"Ready?" the nurse asked.
SpongeBob nodded and the doctor stepped back. "In," he commanded, and the nurse flipped the machine on.
Sandy could feel a current in the room, and she watched anxiously as SpongeBob expanded his body and relaxed.
"Out," the doctor said, and everything happened at once.
The nurse pressed a button and there was a loud whoosh. The current switched abruptly and was suddenly pouring through SpongeBob, whose face twisted and turned red as he contracted. A burst of red mist came from him, and Sandy gasped, praying it would be over once the mist was forced out. The doctor pressed a button and the poison was siphoned out of the room. Sandy was glad it was over before the doctor spoke again.
"Second time. In." SpongeBob obeyed. "Out."
This time, the sponge screamed, high and wild as his body strained against the restraints. The noise echoed in Sandy's ears and she was horrified. More red mist poured out, more than she expected, and she realized that there would be even more rounds than that. She had never seen SpongeBob in so much pain, and her heart ached as she spoke between the second and third round.
"You can do it, Spongebob. Only a few more."
The weak smile she received in return both pleased her and hurt her as the doctor prepared the next round.
It took seven rounds for the water to come out of SpongeBob perfectly clear. By that time, SpongeBob was crying and gasping for breath. The doctor untied the restraints and Sandy stood back as he was dressed and put back in the wheelchair. She could tell his color was better already, and he looked like he felt a little better even if he was trembling.
The nurse gestured at a vertical tube with a door. "If you'll step in there Miss...?" She looked at her expectantly.
"Cheeks. Call me Sandy," the squirrel said. "What's this for?"
"It'll sanitize you and rinse the poison off so you don't contaminate anybody," the nurse said.
Sandy stepped in and was rinsed off then she stepped out and waited as the doctor and nurse did the same. Then the door opened and Wily was wheeled in. He looked pale, almost pink, and he was whimpering and looked frightened.
"Oh, sorry," the other nurse said.
"We're ready for him," the doctor said. "You did well, Mr. SquarePants."
SpongeBob watched as the nurse lifted Wily into the bed. "You'll feel better afterwards," SpongeBob said quietly.
Wily looked at him, still panicking, and SpongeBob smiled slightly and held up two fingers in a v-shape. Wily's eyes filled with tears and he held up a shaking hand and made the same gesture. SpongeBob smiled as he was rolled out the door.
Sandy went back to the room, overwhelmed by what she'd just seen. Sponjulia was still sitting in the chair and glanced up as they came in.
"There you are. Feel better?" she asked kindly.
"Where are the others?" Sandy asked.
"They were admitted to make sure the poison won't have permanent effects," Sponjulia said. "Patrick's hands are rather bad. So for now it's just you and me."
Sandy nodded as the nurse helped SpongeBob into the bed. "Thank you," he murmured. "May I have some kelp juice?"
"We have to run a few tests first. I'm sorry," the nurse said.
SpongeBob sighed. "Okay."
The nurse handed him the call button. "Let me know if you need anything."
Then she left. Sponjulia stood up and walked over to her grandson, brushing her fingers across his forehead. "You'll be okay."
"I know," SpongeBob said. "I'm tired."
"Then sleep. I'll visit as often as I can. And I'm sure your friends will, too."
"How long do you reckon you'll be in here?" Sandy asked.
"A week or so," SpongeBob replied, turning over on his side. "That's how long it was last time."
Last time. He'd done this four times before. And Wily had done it every time. Sandy's eyes filled with tears and she watched SpongeBob sink into an uneasy sleep.
"How did this happen so many times?"
"Because nobody believed him the first three times," Sponjulia replied. "I love my daughter, but there are some things she doesn't understand about SpongeBob."
"He don't ever talk about his parents," Sandy said. "Is this why?"
"Some wounds are too painful to talk about, dearie. Now, would you like an algae drop?"
"Sure. Ain't never had one before."
She held out her hand and took a small green candy. After transferring it into her suit, she tried it. It was a bizarre flavor but not unpleasant. "Well ain't that something," she muttered.
"Yes. An algae drop," Sponjulia repeated.
Sandy chuckled. "You're a hoot. I can tell you're related to SpongeBob."
"Thank you. Now, tell me about yourself. SpongeBob's told me a lot about you. But I'm an old lady and can't get enough gossip."
Sandy laughed again then sat down and began to talk. Sponjulia sat and listened with a smile, asking odd questions that only reinforced the fact that she was related to SpongeBob. As she talked, Sandy found herself calmed by Sponjulia's presence. She knew that if the sponge before her was calm, then SpongeBob would be alright. At least physically. They would have to deal with the other parts later, but at least he was resting.
'One thing at a time,' she thought. 'Texas wasn't won in a day. And there are a lot of battles left to fight.'