The Passion of the Lillard: a Matthew Story

CHAPTER ONE, BITCHES

          Kaleb woke up in Matthew Lillard's massive hairy arms. Sweat dripped down his forehead into all of his orifices. It had been quite the night last night. Kaleb lay there and smiled taking in all that had occurred.
          "Would you like your eggs fried or scrambled?" Matthew Lillard said from the doorway. Kaleb jumped. He had been so entranced by the memories of last night's coitus that he hadn't noticed Matthew Lillard get up, take a shit, brush his teeth, and shave his luxurious facial hair.
          "Uhh, I like them fried, please" Kaleb had never been served breakfast after a one-night stand before. Was Matthew Lillard different than the other men, women, and various farm animals that Kaleb had been sleeping with? Impossible. (pretty possible) Kaleb had been hurt too many times to let someone into his heart like that.
          After a few minutes in the kitchen, Matthew Lillard came back to find Kaleb searching through his sock drawer and sniffing all the articles within. "Uhh... Hahaha"
          Kaleb looked up with shock in his eyes and about 50 socks in his mouth. "MMMF KLFFMMF" Kaleb spit out the socks and continued, "AND I THOUGHT THERE MIGHT BE A BOMB OR SOMETHING I SWEAR!"
          Matthew Lillard being the giga-chad that he is, ignored the whole sock thing. Dismissing it with a chuckle, Matthew Lillard said, "I finished your eggs" and handed Kaleb the plate with a smile. It was the best thing Kaleb had ever smelled in his life, and Kaleb has smelled a LOT of things.
          Kaleb took a bite, and with several moans and lots of grunts, he finished the whole egg. Kaleb was on the floor at this point, panting, with even more sweat dripping off of him. "Oh my God, Matthew Lillard." Kaleb paused to catch his breath. "Cook me another egg... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!"
          Matthew Lillard, who was turned on by Kaleb's submissive and desperate demeanor turned around and darted into the kitchen to cook more eggs for him.
          Kaleb stayed at Matthew Lillard's house for the next 13 hours, only to realize he had completely forgotten about Lindsey! She was already suspicious of him because of the time Kaleb spent 2 days in that barnhouse! Was this the last straw? Kaleb ran straight home, forgetting that his car was an option. He did not want this to be the last straw. He barrelled down his driveway and burst through the front door with the reckless abandon of a pregnant grizzly bear.

~~~~~~~~~

          Lindsey's unease grew as the clock ticked away, and Kaleb had yet to return home. It had become a recurring theme in recent weeks — mysterious disappearances, unexplained absences, and a growing distance between them. Tonight, however, was different. There was no text, no call, no indication that Kaleb was at a farm. Restless, Lindsey paced the living room, her mind racing with all the possible scenarios. The unsettling feeling that something was amiss had been gnawing at her for far too long, and tonight, it reached a breaking point. As the minutes turned into hours, Lindsey's concern melted into suspicion. Was he at that gay strip club again? Was he dealing drugs to at-risk high schoolers like he did all those years ago? The millions of possibilities flashed through her head one after another.
           Unable to contain her worry any longer, Lindsey grabbed her phone and dialed Kaleb's number. It rang for what felt like an eternity before going to voicemail. Frustration and anxiety welled up inside her as she left a desperate but firm message, "Kaleb, where are you? We need to talk. This isn't okay. You better not be at the butcher shop again. Yeah, I know what you do there and it's disgusting. Call me back as soon as possible."
          With each passing moment, Lindsey's imagination painted vivid pictures of betrayal and deception, of farm animals and midgets. She recalled snippets of overheard conversations and the hushed tones whenever she entered the room. Her friends had started dropping hints, and even though she wanted to believe otherwise, the evidence, such as his STI testing and his Ashley Madison account, seemed to stack against Kaleb.
          As the front door boomed open, Lindsey's heart leaped into her throat. Kaleb zoomed into the living room, looking tired and slightly disheveled. He tried to make it to the couch to make it seem as though he had been sleeping there the whole time, but Lindsey caught him. She gave him her famous 'You're being sutch a girl' face, and the guilt on his face was visible. Lindsey's frustration bubbled over, and she confronted him without hesitation.
          "Where have you been, Kaleb? I've been worried sick! Were you at the gay strip club again?! We talked about this!" Lindsey's voice wavered between anger and disappointment.
          Kaleb sighed, avoiding her gaze. "It's just work, Lindsey. I lost track of time, I'm sorry. And I told you - I don't swing that way. If I were gay why would I move in with you?"
          Lindsey's skepticism grew. "Work? This late? And why didn't you at least text me? I had no idea where you were!"
          Kaleb ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit Lindsey knew all too well. "It's a big, long, girthy project, and there's a cute, tight, little deadline. I didn't want to bother you with the stress."'
          Lindsey's frustration melts into suspicion. "Kaleb, this has been happening too often. I need to know what's really going on. Are you hiding something from me?"
          Kaleb's eyes darted around the room, searching for the right words. "Lindsey, it's... It's not what you think... I promise there's no one else in my life besides you. It's just a strong, vivacious, and extremely dominating project, and I've been trying to handle it on my own."
          Doubt lingered in Lindsey's eyes as she crossed her arms, not fully convinced. The tension in the room was obvious, and the distance between them seemed to widen. Lindsey couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to the story, and the mystery surrounding Kaleb's late-night (most likely illegal, and at the very least, questionable) activities deepened, leaving her with a lingering sense of unease and the unsettling question: What or who was Kaleb up to?