Things that you were never meant to read (On Hold)

Introduction

Hey,

My name is Rose, I am still 16 ... yeah and my life is totally complicated .. You see I have been so through so much pain in my life... :( I have been teased, bullied and heartbroken. And never felt worser...

I want to be honest of what I do everyday:

I cry to sleep everyday.. I am afraid to see the people I once loved in my dreams again...

I sleep with a teddy bear because stuffed animals are the only things that never push me away...

I don't eat because I wish I want to starve myself to death...

I used to trust people a lot but they end up backstabbing so I trust no more...

I always ditch school because I hate the way I am always alone ...

I always fight with my mom because she always wants me to be what she wants me to be... I want to be a psychologist but she wants me to ditch my dreams and stay at home.. (as if I will ever be accomplish anything in this life) .. she doesn't believe that I could be ANYTHING!

Don't start calling me a loner now okay? I HAD a friend okay?  And I screwed it up. He was awesome, he never judged, he understood and he was everything I ever wanted in a friend.... so yeah I know I am stupid, stupid enough that I actually fell for him. *facepalm*

And no, he wasn't a John Tucker or a Taylor Lautner -.- Back to the story! We were in a relationship for a month... I just felt so much for him you know? I mean like ALOT ... what's that called? oh yeah! LOVE which is EVOL!  </3 :'(

This is how my life broke down:

April 21st 2011: The day my life changed forever

I had a best friend named Beth and she talked with ALOT of guys and I never did. She was always jealous of me that I never went to clubs or parties like she did. I was the complete opposite of her and  I honestly DO NOT know how she EVER become my BFF :O Anyways she always tried to tear Kevin (the guy I liked) and I apart.

Beth: Break up with him!

Me: Why? :O NO WAY! HE IS MINE!!

Beth: He is MINE first and if you were MY REAL BFF, you'd let me have him!

Friend or boyfriend... I always choose my friends over guys and I didn't want to lose Beth so I let her have him because I thought she was my friend and I just wanted to make her happy.. And so, I faked a fight, called him names and pretended to be so awful  and the worst part is that.. I told him that I hated him :( :(  so that he could leave me and that happened.... We never spoke again...And the next day, I never seen Kevin again, he changed his number and everything :(

On the same day, Beth was with another guy.... her boyfriend  -.- she told me that she never wanted Kevin, she just didn't want me to have him . She pushed me and ii was all alone on the floor and I cried:( I ran back to his house but he moved the day I dumped him... And I never saw him again :( That's whe my life changed and that's why I cry to sleep every night because he never got to know the reason why I treated him so badly.. </3

I write songs, poems, stories and poetry... and for the past 2 years I have been writing about him and these are all the things he was never meant to read  </3

-Rose