'tis the damn season

The wind was like an icy rush in his veins. He quickly pulled out the only scarf he brought with him on his trip. The hues of blue and red contrasted well with the dull morning sky.

With him he carried the large suitcase he had brought months ago and the anticipation of being back in his hometown once more.

He had been all over the world from New York to Jamaica, but something about the liveliness and comfort of Jungjin felt different.

Or perhaps it was the people he had left behind.

His grandparents, both sad and excited when he told them he was leaving for a few months. His grandmother had kissed him on the cheek, while his grandfather fretted over anything he was missing.

Of course, his friends had been a constant to the point that he felt empty without their presence.

Anytime he wanted to make a joke about the American accent or show them a beautiful landmark, he turned to find himself alone.

But the people he found himself missing the most was his Counter family.

Ms. Chu and Motak, two parental figures that he found himself lost without.

Ms. Chu with her worrisome nature and endless empathy and Motak with his witty humor and protectiveness.

Mr. Choi, someone he had come to count on no matter what his concerns were, whether it was his grandparents' safety or the best restaurants to visit.

Jeok-bong had become an older brother to him to the point that he strived to take his advice and use it in any way he could.

But truly, he missed the one person he knew he couldn't.

Do Hana, the love of his life. Or who once was.

He couldn't help but try to distract himself from thoughts of her, but she was everywhere.

In the extra hair tie he found in his luggage or even in the scarf he was currently wearing.

A gift that she had given him for Christmas last year.

"I thought it suited you. Besides, you'll need it for the winter." She said with a bright smile.

And he wore the scarf that whole winter. Now, it was as if he was pulled back into the past.

To a year before. When he had finally confessed, and she had returned his feelings.

Now, they were back to the start.

Family, of course. Yet still strangers.

As if he hadn't fallen in love with her every day since.

As if he wasn't still in love with her.

But he knew why they couldn't be together.

In fact, he agreed with her reasoning.

So, maybe, his decision to come back for Christmas as a surprise was partly because he missed his family so much. But the other half of him really just wanted to see her again.

As he called for a taxi and got in, he stared at the frosty windshield wipers brushing against the glass and looked outside the window.

He was excited to finally be home after months of being away, but the fear still resided in his heart.

The fear that she would look at him and immediately know he hadn't moved on from the past. From her.

A mess of emotions and feelings, who was still just so tired.

He knew he scared her when he almost gave up while in the coma.

The kind of fear that made her overprotective.