My Goth Dog

Happy

Happy: My lovable and friendly loyal dog. A Yorkshire terrier who loves to dress up and poop on people's lawns...

Let's start from the beginning, I am 11 years old and my name is Maggy Soozy McCarlu. People usually call me Saggy Maggy, Loosy Soozy, or Gaggy Maggy... These all have backstories, but I like to think of them as courageous titles from things I've done. People tell me these names are mean, but I like to think of life as a corn. A gross skin of green, and then on the inside nice yellow juicy balls... then the hardcore core. I've never met my dad but I like to think of him as a magical wizard who really enjoys girls, since my mom said over and over how he disappeared with another woman... She must have his best friend and he just wanted to help her so he went on a long trip with her... I think he'll be back one day to meet me. My mom really smokes a lot of cigarettes, but she tells me it helps her keep off the stress, so I go and buy her cigarettes sometimes when I have extra money. They really do help, I would smoke with her, but I have no stress. I have a big sister who is 17 years old, she is a big role model to me! She smokes just like my mother and is gone a lot of the time. Her friends really do help her, she makes new guy friends like everyday it seems, and she brings him home and takes him to her room... They get pretty loud sometimes doing whatever their doing, but I usually crank my top 40 hits all the way. She's a big social butterfly, and so nice of her to get hang out with all of her friends. Anyways, enough about my wonderful and amazing family, let's get along with the story.

On Tuesday, June 9th 2013, I was watching the TV set we have in our living room of our trailer, I was watching my favorite show, "Here comes Honey Boo Boo". When I saw a dog commercial featuring Iggy Azalea and Nicki Minaj. It gave me an idea, I'm really lonely! I went to ask my mom if we could get a dog . She responded "Hell no! Go away before I slap you with my cigarette!" I really love my mom. I went to the front door, and decided to take a couple of tens out of her purse. My mom taught me this trick. She says "It's borrowing, not stealing." When I find her digging in people's pockets in public. I'm just going to borrow hers instead! I quickly run up to the door because she says to "Run away before they figure out you're borrowing! Think of it as a surprise borrow."

On my way to the store, I walked by a very skinny woman who was wearing half of a pink tank top, and a very short blue skirt. I thought it was funny, because she was wearing half of a shirt. She was also wearing weird net thingies on her legs that went all the way up her skirt! She was also wearing very tall and white high heels. Her hair is long and greasy, and she looks about forty. She's wearing a lot of makeup! Silly, she looks like a clown. "Hello miss, do you know where the pet store is?" She looked very angry and yelled "Hell no, go away kid!" she started to run away, but I caught up with her. "Miss please! I really don't know where the pet store is and I want a doggy!" she smiled all evil-like and crouched down. She said "Alright, I'll tell you where it is. Just give me five dollars." I quickly gave her the money. She took it in her fist and ran away again to a car. She jumped in and yelled at the guy in there "I'll fuck you for free if you drive as far away as possible from that kid over there." She pointed at me. Silly miss, pointing is rude! I learned that in math class. Soon enough, the car was gone.

I walked some more down the street, and then I saw it! I found the pet store! I jumped in happiness and ran across the street to get to it. I slammed open the doors, and looked around at all the pets. There were birds, cats, ferrets, and- YES! I found the dogs! There was a brown fluffy one in a cage. It looked at me cutely. I yelled "This one! This one!" The person at the desk behind me looked at me like he was angry. "That'll be... eh, 10 dollars, for that one." I looked over my shoulder and I saw a big cage of puppies. It had a sign on it that read "Puppy Mill." That's a silly name for a cage of puppies! They looked at me like they were hungry. I tossed a penny in there, and it hit one of them on the head. "Hey, you can have one for free, since you're young." I screamed very very loud. I was so happy! I tore open the cage door with my fingernails before he could stop me. The puppies started flooding out of the cage! I laughed, because it was funny. I picked up my puppy and ran as fast as I could out the door. I stopped as soon as I remembered- I hadn't given him a tip! My mother always says "Always remember to tip the hookers. They'll be very very angry at you if you don't." I ran back in the door, and threw all my money at him. He caught it with his mouth, and started making funny noises. His mouth started foaming too! The owner of the store was a magician too? I couldn't believe it! He fell out of his chair and screamed. I figured he got tired and fell asleep. "Thanks, come again!" I said to him as I ran out the door again.

After I got home, I ran up to my room and put the puppy on my bed. Weird yellow water started coming out of his butt. I figured that it was lemonade, so I started to lick it up. The dog ran away into the corner after that. I picked up my flip-phone and called my friend. I screamed into my phone "CHRIS? ARE YOU THERE?" She said she was. "Why are you calling me at three in the morning? I was cooking and I almost burned my ching chongs. They were a feast for death." I was confused for a second. I put the phone down and yelled to my mom "MOM! WHAT DOES DEATH MEAN?" she responded "SHUT UP! DEATH MEANS TO GO TO SLEEP! NOW GET BACK TO BED AND LEAVE ME AND YOUR NEW DADDY ALONE." I jumped up and down. We got another new daddy! This was the tenth one this week! I decided I would meet him in the morning. I picked up my phone and whispered to Chris. "Hey chris! I'm tired now so I'm going to go to death. Good night!" Before she could reply, I accidentally dropped my phone. It broke a lot. I kneeled down to my phone and whispered to it "Goodbye... Chris, old friend..." I realized that I would never get to talk to her again. I left it there and hopped into bed. I would never forget those words she said to me. She sounded like she was an old man, but she was really a girl exactly my age! I couldn't believe that I met two magicians in one week.