Forgotten

Searching

SLAM!

What am I gonna do with this!?

BAM!

I can't believe I am getting nowhere.

SNAP!

Just another stupid pencil...

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Published... Self published... Self edited... 130,000 words... My whole life... Where is it going?

Oh you are my soul! My inner thoughts! My deepest hopes and dreams! You are the work of my hands set to bring forth a change in this world! But what are you to them?

Thousands of pages. All on a screen. Never touched paper. Never been revealed from their dream. All of them waiting. Just to be seen. Mocking the author. Crying the dream.

Do you see the hard work? Do you know the weariness of my hands? The summer of 88,000 words, weaved in between other plans. I don't think you know about the stack of books in my room. The ones that took me four years to publish. The ones made before any resume.

Every day I walk into a library. Words, words, and more words. More than the amount of time in life itself. I run my hands across the soft covers. I get a paper cut on the pages. I smell the ink of the metal press. The scent of millions of hands that have touched the pages before. The covers and poking edges, cradled gently in my arms. My truest friend always around to hug and hold.

I turn to my screen. I touch the slippery surface. My fingers leave oily marks. The smell of heat radiates from the bright letters. A smell of nothing at all. Nothing to hold. Only whispers of a brilliant tale. The safety of my hands, scars the safety of my eyes. Empty white stares blankly back at me. I try to find some hope or delight.

Come hold my dreams in your hands. Hold my knowledge and pass it on to others. Together we shall save each other. I weave in and out of the winding web of the bookshelves and struggle to find myself. I struggle to find you hidden in the bookshelves.

For you are my love, and I am searching for you. I am looking and looking until I find you. I am working and working until I get to you. There is nothing in the world to stop me. I will get you there. I promise. My heart will ache. My tears will be shed. Hours of sleep shall be lost. If only to find you. If only to see you make someone smile. If only to see you give hope. Make life worthwhile. Bring insight to a child.

If only you told people I knew. Their lives have touched mine and its brought forth you. And now I want to give back a story that is super true. Because I have been searching and searching for a way to pull through.

So that one day they can find the piece of my heart within the story and know that my love for them is not forgotten.