if only, once again | kamishiro rui x reader pjsk

004

Chapter 004 [Stuffed-up, as stiff as a stake]

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Who are these people, and what have they done to my parents?

A few silent moments of stuffy awkwardness, and my parents only blankly stared at my dumbfounded face, completely oblivious to my confusion.

"C'mon, honey, dinner's waiting!" My mother ushered my stone-like body into the house, seeing no abnormalities in her behavior-- or mine, for that matter.

In spite of my confusion, my parents were pushing me along and saying words that may as well have been my teenage daydreams. No, my parents were never this nice.

Hands trembling, perhaps from the nighttime chills of the streets outside or from some sort of underlying discomfort, I picked up the metal spoon that had been resting on a napkin on the wooden dining table. The plate of curry rice was arranged in a precise, careful manner-- the person who did so clearly put in effort. Sincere, genuine effort; something I was too familiar with; my genuine effort that caused my everlasting pain in the past.

But not with my parents, no, it was wrong.

...It was disconcerting. Maybe for that reason, I felt a lump in my throat, and thought that maybe they would notice my odd silence.

As I looked up, I watched the two of them chat away happily, about trivial matters like the garden, TV, the neighbours-- like a picture perfect couple-- a picture perfect family.

I took a bite of the curry.

No.

This is wrong.

"I-I'm going out for some fresh air." I felt like I was going to puke, and I didn't really want to know why.

Just like that, I rushed to the front door with my footsteps thumping loudly amidst their sudden silence.

I scratched the sides of my face with my blunt nails as a wave of disgust struck me again. A happy family is not my family.

A happy family...

...cannot be my family.

I felt a lump in my throat. Then I knew, I just knew; I have to run. Hide anywhere.

So I did. Letting my sore legs drift in unfettered motion through the wind, I ran with some strain in my limbs. As I jogged, questions scrambled through my head--

where the hell am I going?
why did I do that?
how long has it been since I ran? it hurts like hell.
is this body--

even mine?

That feeling, it felt so familiar-- those of a lost, hot mess of a desperate girl. To be desperate, you need to want something.

Did I even know what I wanted in the past? Before I got brought back by some power, before Rui became nicer, before my parents became weird?

I don't, and I've never wanted these things to happen.

They just needed to be...

the way they always were.

Stagnant, constant,

unchanged.

Yes, the way they always were.

I shut my eyes tight, as if opening them would kill me. Then, I covered my ears. The noise that spilled through the deep night sky was unnoticeable and maybe if it was any other night, I'd have a calm walk down the road I'd been familiar with since young.

But no. I've just run out of my house suddenly, feeling like absolute crap, and I don't even know where I'm headed to--

then, a sudden wave of realisation brushed over me. Oh.

I let my arm drape downwards. It's...

the park. The one I would go to with Mom after elementary school, on the good days. I let myself reminisce, but it's cut short by the scraping sound of metal, and it came from ahead. Suddenly, I didn't feel quite as nervous-- seeing the swing up ahead, the one I would swing on with friends, where Mom would take pictures of me and push me. I took some steps forward, and the figure on the swing paused abruptly. It turned to look at me.

It was a girl; she was cute, and relatively pretty. My age, maybe a bit older. Light nutty brown, silky short hair, obviously done with effort. Her eyes were darker, and complemented her face just perfectly. Then, I snapped out of it, realizing that I'd been staring for far too long, and it was starting to look weird.

As I began to speak, it seemed that she was more of an extrovert than me, because she beat me to it, "Hi, it's pretty late, huh?"

Awkward silence ensued.

It took me a while to process, and before I knew it the air between us became more stuffy than the inside of my house.

Hesitantly, I let out a breathy reply, "...Hey there." Then, almost as if she could feel my curiosity burning on her skin, she quickly added on, "I'm Ena. I'm not, um, trying to get something out of you, I just thought that your makeup was gorgeous."

Within an instant, I could feel my cheeks flushing, in either pride for my extensive makeup knowledge that I'd learnt too much of for Rui, or embarrassment from receiving a compliment for the things I'd worked hard for-- it was a taste I wanted more of. Either way, I naturally pulled the corners of my lips upwards, forgetting in the process how to smile properly.

I took a few tremulous steps forward, a little more insecure than usual of my steps; but truly, I couldn't decipher the reason hidden beneath layers of nerves why I was excited, almost ferociously so, for what was about to happen.

"I think you look much prettier than the people I learnt my makeup from, though." I smiled, but so genuinely it feels like a scorching degree of relief. Carefully observing her, I noticed that her eyes began to shine a little bit, perhaps under the moonlight or maybe the artificial gleam of the streetlights. Anyhow, I could see my words reaching her face-- her throat, making her gulp a little bit and genuinely feel something deep inside her.

As she stretched her lips out to a gentle, natural smile, I couldn't help but feel exasperated in the best way possible.

Then I raised my phone up, taking a picture of the girl bathed in moonlight.

[ "On your path lies endless junctions and endless junctures of glare and gleam, and destiny is the gleam that greets you with a smile." ]

And destiny, is a spontaneous blessing.

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Chapter 004 END

HELLOO i'm done with chapter 4 please unlock the asylum ward

anyways after a few months i have somehow finished chapter 4 and i feel like i get stunted at every crucial plot point HAHAHA

that wasn't a hint if you're wondering what's gonna happen next LOL
okayss bye im gonna go rest and maybe go mia for another week or so

nonetheless
have a good one
-ffey